What is normal?

What is normal in daily life soon becomes the norm, as this domestic violence story exemplifies very well.

What is normal? My daughter eats smash, gravy, and cabbage for breakfast. Is that weird? No, she does it all the time, we've become used to it, and it's part of our routine. If you live long enough with the abnormal, it becomes normal.

What is normal? You love your partner; you want to make them happy. If they like pork chops you eat them a lot, that's becomes routine. They like you plain, no make-up so you stop wearing it, and pretty soon it's the norm. They don't like it when you go out because they worry about you, coffees bad for your health, not really keen on your friends, you don't see them as much, and eventually they're gone, he's jealous if you talk to anyone, he gets angry, it's just because he loves you, he doesn't want to share you. Is that normal? Of course it is, it's just relationship stuff. Right?

What is normal? It's late at night and you need the loo, but you're frightened. You can hear the telly so you know he's up, and you can smell the vomit, he's been drinking. Your bladder hurts but if he hears you he'll be mad, he might wake the kids. He's never hurt them, he's never had to: the threat is enough to get you doing what he wants. They are good at being quiet; they know the rules, out of sight out of mind, they are quiet ghost children .You can't burden your family, no money, nowhere to go and no one to turn to, what can you do? Turnover, hold the ache in your bladder, it's usual, it's become the norm.

What is normal? You lie face down in the hospital bed, the nurse is approaching. You plead in your head with her, ask me am I ok? I need help, please just ask me? She has a look of scorn in her eyes; you know what he told them when he dropped you off, self-inflicted, sexual fetish, weird taste. The nurse gives you clothes, "you can go home now, your partner rang, there's a taxi waiting downstairs, bed rest for a couple of days, exercise could rip your stitches. There's no taxi outside, you already knew. The text said: "No taxi, needed wine money, your own fault, next time I say stay still you'd better, you can walk". The nurse didn't help you, you've missed your chance, it hurts to walk, but you do.

What is normal? Your daughter likes smash, gravy, and cabbage for breakfast, her mates giggle and tease whilst she makes it, your son comes barrelling down the stairs after the crazy, barking puppy, the phone rings but you can't hear your friend over the noise. You step back and just watch, there's laughter here now, no silence, the kids fight and sing and cry and play and worry about homework, they've healed, forgotten. They are normal.

What is normal? That I woke up one morning and just walked away from my life? Going to the loo in the night makes me laugh, I drink coffee because I can, I go out when I like, wear make-up if I want to. I have friends because that's my choice now, I talk a lot, I hate silence, I can't stand hospitals, and the smell of vomit makes me remember. The little things people take for granted are blessings to me.

Will I ever be normal, No, but I'll always be free.

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