Selena's Domestic Violence Story
Selena thought the whole domestic violence story would come to an end once her partner had left, but it didn't. Years after trying to find an abuse free life, she is still having to walk around with a panic alarm.
Well I got with my first proper boyfriend at the age of 17, it soon started by him not liking me talking to my friends or socializing. Maybe I was young and didn't understand what it was! But at the age of 19 I had my wonderful little boy, that's when it really kicked in! When my little boy was 5 days old, he threaten to kill him and me, As I didn't give him one of the bottles of milk from the hospital!
Then the hitting and kicking and verbal abuse! Making me eat out of a bin, shoving my face in ash trays, dragging me down the stairs by my hair! I used to think it was me, I 'd been bad somehow, that I was being punished for something?! Him knocking me out with a car battery! Being chased round the streets with a sword, having a knife held to my throat, fearing for my life, and my little boy's.
You ask why didn't you leave? Well, I was petrified of him, I knew what he was capable off. So I took it to keep him sweet.This went on for 18 months and the abuse was daily! But one day something clicked and I was 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!??' So I told him it was over! He went completely mental!! Left me a message on my mums answer phone telling me, he was going to rape me and my mum and make my little boy watch, and then kill us and cut our bodies up and set us on fire!! But I didn't give in. I stood strong. Then he got me, he kept me in house, but I got out of his room, he then broke my nose and my collar bone.
But that day I saw what a sad little person he was: Nothing but a bully!!!
Then I meet what I thought was my MR RIGHT!! Ohhh my gosh how wrong I was! It was fine for the first year, yeah he had a temper but never at me, but then he suddenly flipped his lid, smashed the house up, threw me around ... but said how sorry he was and it would never happen again! I believed him, WHY THOUGH?!
Then we had a gorgeous little girl together, I thought this would make him calm down and stop the drinking and taking drugs. Did it hell. The night his daughter was born he went out on a crack binge and missed her being born. I chucked him out 7 months after my daughter was born. He went on a mad one, came to my house smashed the place up, threw me across the road, said he was going to kill him and my little girl!! Did I believe him? YES I did, he has mental issues. I tried to keep my distance, but he had a right to see my little girl. Well, so I thought. He had my little girl one day, I went too pick her up, he went mental and punched me, he then slashed his wrists and took an overdose, but I didn't feel sorry for him, he said this was all my fault but I had then learned it wasn't!
He came to my house one night when I was there alone and said he had nowhere to stop, could he sleep on the sofa? I felt bad and finally agreed! He made me a cup of tea and then I woke up the next morning in bed! I didn't remember getting there, or the night before. But I knew I had some kind of sexual intercourse, there was a note on the floor saying "you're nothing but a f***ing B****!". I didn't understand, he wouldn't answer the phone to me, but I remember the tea tasting funny, he had spiked me and had sex with me!
He made me feel sick, how dare he do that to me! The coward!
There were so many times, of him taking overdoses and slashing his wrists to get my attention and telling me if he died people would blame me, as I was so nasty to him!
I didn't really see him for about 8 months he disappeared. He then got back in contact saying he wanted to be friends and see my little girl, I agreed, as long as it was on my terms.
So he saw his little girl at my house with me there, and behaved his self. He then asked me if we could try again I said NO, as I didn't trust him, he did so many things behind my back when we was together, and the abuse.
One day he kept ringing me saying that I would regret what I had decided and that he was coming to get me. I ignored him, as he had been drinking, so I went home from work, walked into my house. For some reason I only turned the hall light on, walked into living room , with not turning the light on - there he was stood behind the door, He grabbed me! The next 2.5 hours were the worst hours of my life!! He looked different, he looked evil, he had pure hatred in his eyes! I will NEVER forgot that look EVER! I seriously thought that was it for me! I tried to find the house phone but he had took the batteries out of it and hid it, he took my mobile off me, so it was just literally me and him!! He punched me, he kicked me, he threw me round the room like I was a rag doll!! He spat on me, He put my head through my wall. He strangled me. In this time he had broke my arm, broke my ribs! He then walked into the kitchen saying where are the knifes as it was all going to be over. But somehow he forgot what he went in there for!! I 'm so grateful he did!!
Some reason he stopped it all, and just walked out of the house, I've never felt so much relief!
It didn't stop there though ... going to court, the panic alarms in my house, Police checking on me!!
Well he got sent to prison and he has not long got out, but there is a indefinite injunction and non molestation order on him. But yes he has breeched it! He is now back at court later this month. It's like he is still ruling my life: I have the panic alarms back, I have to watch where I go ...
Return from Selena's Domestic Violence Story to Domestic Violence Stories
In This Section:
Domestic Violence Stories
Real Rape, Real Pain explores though the eyes and feelings the actual impact of marital and imtiate sexual abuse and marital rape. A must read for anyone who has experienced this intrusive and long-lasting form of intimate violence. The book does not just describe and explain, but also helps set us on the road to healing:
To order in the US: Real Rape, Real Pain: Help for women sexually assaulted by male partners
To order in the UK: Real Rape, Real Pain: Help for Women Sexually Assaulted by Male Partners
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Hear the voices of other women who have lived through and escaped from domestic abuse. This collection of personal survival stories help us understand the struggles, the pain and ultimately, the courage of victims who are determined to be survivors.
To order in the US: Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free
To order in the UK: Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free
Lundy Bancroft has written what is probably the most comprehensive and readable book on domestic violence, the beliefs of the abuser and the dynamics of abuse. This truly is a MUST READ for anyone seriously trying to understand domestic abuse and how to cope with an abusive relationship:
To order in the US: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
To order in the UK: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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