Faith's Domestic Abuse Story
Faith's domestic abuse story follows Faith's journey from innocent 19 year old with dreams and aspirations, to a life of domestic abuse, including not just emotional, verbal and financial abuse, but also sexual abuse - and finally freedom from her domestic abuse story:
To describe the words 'hurt' and 'betrayed' is beyond what I endured, beyond what any victim of abuse endures.
I thought I had met the man of my dreams; he seemed perfect, but now that I am no longer with him. I see that there were red flags from the day one, but I chose to brush the domestic abuse signs aside, biggest mistake ever.
Before I truly begin my domestic abuse story, let me tell how my life was before I met the most evil person I have ever known. I was 19 at that time, full of hope and great passions. I was content with life, I made friends easily and pretty much enjoyed life. I had decided that I would date after I had finished university, which to me made sense at that time, things were going according to plan.
Until, I met Steve. We instantly hit it off; he was charming and seemed very wonderful. He was older than me by 5 years, but it didn't bother me. He was a different religion to me too, but it never bothered me either. We got pretty intimate pretty soon, it's weird looking back but I never enjoyed being physical with him. There was just something about him which was controlling and manipulative. The domestic abuse I endured was mainly verbal, physical and constant threats, but also sexual abuse, though I did not recognise it as such at the time.
If I did not answer my phone he would go mad and call me every single name under the sun. Every day I had to send him pics of the outfits I was wearing out, so that he could deem them as modest and acceptable. I did that because at that time although it was wrong I felt powerless. Steve, would tell me who to see, when to see them, and what to do. My life which was once care-free and fun completely changed. I felt like a prisoner. I began losing weight, he would make sly comments like 'eat fruits and salads to shed weight ... if you lose weight you will look good'. Throughout my life I was never overweight, I was always healthy, but he made me feel like I was nothing. To make it worse, he would say things like 'I love the way that girl over there looks, the way her hair flows and her body is amazing' this one time, whilst we were out he said 'excuse give me a minute to look at that girl'. I was shattered inside beyond repair, I had no voice. He would say it to hurt me and be spiteful. He was a very spiteful man. I never felt good enough or perfect enough, he would always make me feel like I was lower than dirt on the floor.
They were few occasions, he would lock me in his car and he would force me to have sex. So many occasions, he would threaten me, but one day whilst we lay on the bed I was just getting tired of him. I told him 'No' and he got on top of me, and started forcing his lips on me, I pushed away and I told him 'No', he smirked and had this evil look in his eye. I told him 'No I don't want to', he replied 'you need to obey me'. I pushed him off and turned my back towards him. He got up and sat on the sofa, I got up and said, you're not talking to me because I said no to sleeping with you. He ignored me and looked aside. Deep down I wanted to hit him for the pain he was causing me, that's when I knew this was no life. No life at all. To make it worse, after that, I found out he had signed up for a dating websites and was chatting to other girls. I was devasted, not only was he abusive - he was cheating. I confronted him, and he told me, it was all lies and denied everything. Instead, he put the blame on me and forced me to apologise. He always played this victim who supposedly had a bad childhood and no one gave him chance, which I fell for. I apologised, but I was dying inside, I had no strength for anything at all. I felt like I was losing my sanity, nothing was making sense. I was hurting and confused. Even when I cried, he would look at me and ignore me.
Day by day all I had strength for was to cry, I found it hard to focus, hard to go out, hard to pray or even have faith. My heart was bleeding. Steve's abuse was getting worse and worse and worse. He would insult my family, friends. Everything I loved. What hurts me, is that he had control over my finances, over everything in my life.
Everyone around me was saying, how much I had changed; I was now skinny and hardly ate. I had neither strength nor self-esteem. The more I tried to be a good girlfriend, the more he got evil. Even for his birthday whilst celebrating, he simply looked at his cake and card and said 'Is this it?!'. It was like nothing I did was enough, when I met Steve he was unemployed and moved from job to job. But I was raised to always accept the person and never value material things, but Steve was different he would often say 'give me money to buy clothes ... buy me a laptop ... buy me a phone ... get me this ...'. He would say it in a jokingly way but I knew he was serious. I often wondered why I never stood up and said something, but I had no energy. I was once confident and always spoke my mind. But, Steve made me feel like everything I was saying was rubbish and irrelevant. Even when I tried to speak, he would tell me 'shut up you little b***'. In all my life, I had never been called that, yet he would call me. I had no voice with Steve. No voice at all.
For the first time I remember crying badly and loudly for God to just provide an escape for the domestic abuse I was suffering. I sat in the bathroom and cried I did not want Steve, I was tired and was losing the will to live. The following day, I remember vividly up to this day. He rang me and because I had not made his sandwich. He called me every name, 'useless ... doormat ... pushover ... pathetic ... underdeveloped'. Every name, I finished for him to speak. Then he said, anyways I've been talking to my ex and I'm going to sleep with her I'm going to get back with her. My heart stung beyond repair! All I said was ok, good luck with your life, we are over. I did not beg or even plead. I was too angry, too shocked, too cold. I sound harsh but I did not care what could have happened him.
I was just angry, I told my mother. She just said you deserve much better than him. Keep your head high and up to this day, she only knows half the story. But I suffered, even now I still get flashbacks and panic attacks. I am still scared to go out or even meet new people, because of the experience. But, each day I am growing stronger.
I have advice and encouragement for anyone going through a similar domestic abuse story right now: there is life after abuse, and know that you deserve more.
After I broke up with Steve, he tried contacting me. But, I did not care, I missed the good times, but no ways! Enough was enough. I did not need Steve. I slowly, became involved in volunteering and doing hobbies I love, I started getting my life back on track. It was hard but worth it.
Now I love my life and I am learning to love myself :). Reading experiences of other domestic abuse stories on this website has helped me beyond words. I am truly grateful for the stories which give me strength that life can be beautiful again after heartbreak.
And yes, karma does exist, Steve lost his job and car. And his life is miserable, so whilst I'm moving on with my life, my abuser is suffering.
Keep the faith and hold your head high.
In This Section:
Domestic Violence Stories
Real Rape, Real Pain explores though the eyes and feelings the actual impact of marital and imtiate sexual abuse and marital rape. A must read for anyone who has experienced this intrusive and long-lasting form of intimate violence. The book does not just describe and explain, but also helps set us on the road to healing:
To order in the US: Real Rape, Real Pain: Help for women sexually assaulted by male partners
To order in the UK: Real Rape, Real Pain: Help for Women Sexually Assaulted by Male Partners
Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:
To order in the UK: It's My Life Now
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Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven is the book to accompany the Freedom Programme in the UK. This book should be compulsory in schools - the information is so clear and so obvious and such an eye-opener! After studying domestic violence issues for years, this is the one book which finally enabled me to click it all into place and answer all my whys. Just read it:
To order in the US: Living With the Dominator (Kindle version only - and well worth buying a Kindle just to get this book!)
To order in the UK: Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1
In Love and in Danger is one of the only books available on dating violence and abusive relationships that addresses young adults directly. Includes facts about dating violence, tips for how to tell if your relationship is abusive, information on why dating abuse happens, and what you can do if you are being abused by (or are abusing) someone you love.
To order in the US: In Love and In Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships
To order in the UK: In Love and in Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships
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