Tiffany's Child Abuse and Domestic Violence Story
Tiffany tells her story of child abuse and domestic violence, from a sexually abusive father and the mother who failed to protect her and her sisters, through teens of suffering further molestation and shows how not just her experiences of relationships but also the advice by those who should care for her pushed her into a further domestic violence relationship:
Ever since I can remember I had never had the love or attention of my parents. My mom was more worried about looking pretty and making sure my dad wasn't cheating on her than her 3 daughters ...
My oldest sister was 15, the other one that followed was 14 and I was 7, I also had a 2 year old little brother at the time. My "Father" had been abusing my two sisters all their life. He started raping them when they each turned 13. My sisters showed and told my mother what was going on ... they would show her their bloody privates but she never cared - or I guess her marriage to a sick man was more important than the well being of her daughters.
I was very young, all I remember was one incident of him on top of me and my mom saying he should stop because he was going to suffocate me, I was crying. I have no other memories of my childhood. none at all. He died that year 1987. He did scar us forever. My sisters have not been able to have a normal relationship ever since and neither had I until I found Jesus.
After my Dad died we moved to my mother's hometown in Mexico with my grandmother and uncle, aunts and lots of cousins. Soon after we arrived, one of my male cousins who was 13 at the time started abusing me: he would touch my breasts and my private part. It went on for years, until I was 13. At around 10 years old my other cousin who was about 19 at the time started tongue kissing me and grabbing me and rubbing himself on me.
We finally moved to the States after that, to Chicago. And my mom's Puerto rican boyfriend started to touch me too. Again no one did anything about it. I felt like no one cared.
I was told that I could use my body as a weapon to get what I wanted. my grandmother told me I should be a stripper or a high class prostitute. is there such thing? My mother said I should just look for rich old guys and take their money for sex. It was no surprise I ended up going off with a 43 year old rich man when I was only 17 after my own mother's advise. It only lasted 4 months and I came back home with a child in me. My most beautiful treasure. My wonderfully smart boy! God meant for him to be born, and I love him very much.
My son was two years old when I met who I thought was my prince charming! He was handsome, polite, smart and sooo nice to me. We moved in together after 6 months of dating. Right after that he started abusing me. He used to call me names from slut, prostitute, stupid, ugly, he said I was good for nothing and the only reason he was with me was so I could clean the house and he could have sex with me. He said he was too lazy to masturbate so he might as well use me. After a while, I actually believed him: I believed that I was ugly, stupid, dumb, that I couldn't do anything right. I didn't have his permission to speak to my mom, or any family member, I had no friends. I tried committing suicide twice, but the thought of my son being alone made me think twice and Thanks to My wonderful God I never made it happened.
Two years after we got together, we had a beautiful baby girl, and I thought that would change him - it didn't. He would choke me, push me, slap me, rape me. It lasted 8 horrible years.
I can say now that he was wrong! That I AM a good woman, I AM smart and I CAN do it all! I have given my life to Jesus, prayed for a wonderful husband which God has granted me. I have met the most amazing man in the world! Who cherishes me, takes good care of me, loves me and lets me know day by day he does; he loves my children and I'm very happy to say we are expecting a baby boy and getting married very soon. ALL THANKS TO GOD!
Please don't let no one treat you that way, God meant for us to live happy in victory and in His presence. NO ONE deserves to live in fear, abused by no one. Make a stop to this as soon as you can, a man that has always beaten you or abused you verbally will NOT change. GET OUT! You deserve to be HAPPY.
In This Section:
Domestic Violence Stories
According to therapist Engel "even the most loving person" is capable of emotional abuse-that is, "any non-physical behavior designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate." In a reasoned, sensible tone, she encourages readers to become responsible for their behavior and for changing it. Identified are ten "patterns of abuse" (verbal assault, character assassination, etc.), different kinds of abusive relationships, action steps for cessation, and suggestions for recovery. Engel clearly shows how this type of abuse, either intentional or unconscious leads to low self-esteem and misery for one or both partners. Engel also looks at the difficult relationships where one partner suffers from Personality Disorder. A difficult and draining yet important read for those who suspect that their relationship has entered abusive territory, this book is highly recommended.
To order in the US: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing (Paperback or Kindle version avaialble - and well worth buying the kindle to be able to start reading immediately!)
Hear the voices of other women who have lived through and escaped from domestic abuse. This collection of personal survival stories help us understand the struggles, the pain and ultimately, the courage of victims who are determined to be survivors.
To order in the US: Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free
To order in the UK: Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free
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Lundy Bancroft has written what is probably the most comprehensive and readable book on domestic violence, the beliefs of the abuser and the dynamics of abuse. This truly is a MUST READ for anyone seriously trying to understand domestic abuse and how to cope with an abusive relationship:
To order in the US: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
To order in the UK: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven is the book to accompany the Freedom Programme in the UK. This book should be compulsory in schools - the information is so clear and so obvious and such an eye-opener! After studying domestic violence issues for years, this is the one book which finally enabled me to click it all into place and answer all my whys. Just read it:
To order in the US: Living With the Dominator (Kindle version only - and well worth buying a Kindle just to get this book!)
To order in the UK: Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1
Many people suffer verbal and emotional abuse in secret for years, not really understanding what is happening or why they feel so rotten. Nor do they realize how easily such seemingly mild forms of abuse can be the precursor to physical violence. This book by Patricia Evans helps the victim understand how to recognize abuse, validates the victim's perception of what is happening and offers solid suggestions as to what to do to control abuse and to protect oneself :
To order in the US: The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond
To order in the UK: The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition
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