Freya's Domestic Violence Story

Freya's domestic violence story starts when she is still only 16, and soon becomes the victim of sexual and physical abuse. Despite this, she stayed, leaving the abusive relationship only when she found out her partner had been cheating on her. This is her story:

I was 16 when I met my ex. The relationship started out great. I was completely smitten with him and felt happy but it all went so wrong. The first time he hit me was when I had got myself into a bad situation were I found myself locked in a room in a strange place with a guy I didn't know. The guy then messed with my head for the full night - holding me down and moving him hands towards certain places and so on ... but he eventually let me go. I then ran straight to my ex who then dragged me into his room and "taught me a lesson". This was the start and it just got worse from then ...

It always started with the really nasty name calling and belittleling, then the threatening and then the beating which could be choking, punching, kicking and even head butting at times. Once he knocked my head around from side to side so hard I thought I was going to pass out, I felt dizzy and just for one moment I had no idea what was happening. The favorite was punching my legs and arms around the body out of sight, a couple of times he would hit my face and I'd come up with stories to cover it up to friends and family. One time I thought he was going to kill me and I took a panic attack. Thankfully I haven't had another one since then. He did sort of threaten to kill me on another occasion, he said "you're lucky I don't have a knife or I would slit your throat". I should have got out then but I didn't ... .

I would finish it with him every time and he would cry and apologize and I would believe him. If I didn't give in he would take an overdose or try and cut his wrists. I spent many nights at A&E actually worried about him! When I did make up with him he would make me have sex to 'prove' I had forgiven him, which was horrible, lying underneath him, my body still aching. I think it must have turned him on the suffering he caused. The next day the loving period would start again fooling me into believing that he was sorry and had changed. This went on for about 2 years and when I finally got it into my head he wasn't going to change, he had driven me apart from my friends and family, I had no one apart from him. Even though I hated him I stayed with him because I felt trapped. I couldn't get out because he would try and kill himself or stalk me until I gave in. I would cry myself to sleep every night lying next to a man I hated but it was all my own fault.

I eventually broke free when I found out he had been sleeping with my wee cousin. I was really close to her and it hurt a lot. By the time I found out about it, it was already over but I still felt it just as bad. I completely cut him off. I changed my phone number and refused to speak to him. If I saw him I got away as soon as I could and I was never alone. I would have nightmares that I got back with him, when I woke up I would thank god it wasn't true.

That all happened nearly 3 years ago and I have found myself again but it still haunts me. I forgave my cousin and we speak again, not like we used to but I feel better for making peace with her. I also have a new boyfriend. I've been with him for about a year now and my relationship could not be better, he's a truly wonderful person and he makes me happy - all my friends and family love him. I love him! :) but I do still get flashbacks. Most days I'm fine and don't really think of the past. Then something will bring back a memory and it will just flow from there, I find myself breaking down, I start shaking and can't concentrate, I cry then tell myself to get a grip. Most days I'm fine, I can go months sometimes without one of these little breakdowns. They are getting better and every day I get stronger.

~ Freya.