Varda's Domestic Violence Story
Varda suffered 17 years of physical violence from her husband, but it was only when his violence turned to child abuse, that Varda finally left to keep her chiildren and herself safe. This is her domestic violence story:
I suffered 17 years of violence of all forms, my children were also victims of physical and mental abuse.
Because of what he did, I lost a kidney, had broken ribs, have been left with a damaged spine, hips and knees, through the kickings and beatings. I thought that was my life and that of my childrens, I could see no light at the end of the tunnel, I had all my confidence, self-esteem, personality, beaten out of me, or so I thought.
Some research indicates an overlap between domestic violence between adults and the sexual and physical abuse of children, with some studies putting the comorbidity rates as high as 40 per cent. (Saltzman, K.M., Holden, G.W. and Holahan, C.J. (2005) ‘The psychobiology of children exposed to marital violence’)
My children had witnessed and been a part of numerous beatings and saw my beatings as they were made to watch by the father. Then one day he went too far: he beat my 7 year old, with a sword, he was black and blue all over, and part of the tendon at the back of his knee was cut, he couldnt walk. I told myself that was it, so somewhere from the depths of my soul, I found the strength to leave him, taking my children with me, with only the clothes we stood in.
It has taken 10 long years to finally see all the light around, and finally regain all I lost, but my children still suffer, and their recovery will be ongoing. But at least, now they are reaching adults, they are beginning to cope with what happened, not completely, as there is still pain and anger, for what they have been through, but they know they are safe, and no-one will ever hurt them again.
The estimated overlap between domestic violence and child physical or sexual abuse ranges from 30 to 50 percent. Some shelters report that the first reason many battered women give for fleeing the home is that the perpetrator was also attacking the children. Victims report multiple concerns about the effects of spousal abuse on children.(Source: The Relationship between Domestic Violence and Child Abuse)
I survived and I know that although it takes a lot of strength to either leave or get help, and most women think they don't have it, all they have to do is look for the strength and it will be there.
I did and I am a Survivor. The world is a brighter and happier place for me and my children, so take heart and leave the violence and abuse, take as much time as you need to regain yourself, your soul, self-esteem and confidence and you will come through a better and happier person.
Return from Varda's Domestic Violence Story to Domestic Violence Stories
In This Section:
Domestic Violence Stories
When Dad Hurts Mom. This is a must-read for any woman with children still in or finally out of an abusive marriage. He covers the myriad of ways in which children witnessing domestic violence are affected, the prejudice in the legal establishments and the patriartic world has made the life of female and child victims of abuse difficult. And then he gives you tips on how to conquer this situation and help heal our kids from the trauma of witnessing abuse:
To order in the US: When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
To order in the UK: When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
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