Nadya's Teen Domestic Violence Story
Nadya's teen domestic violence story starts when she was born, not into an abusive home but to parents who did not really know how to make her feel loved and valued. This lack of emotional support left her more likely to find herself involved in an abusive relationship as a teen. This is Nadya's story of teen domestic violence:
My story starts from the day I was born really. My mom didn't know how to love me, I never fit in anywhere, was always in trouble. I was bullied in school, and sexually abused by the boys. I left school at 15 due to the bullying. I got a job, and loved my independence. It meant I wasn't at home as much. One day a girl I had just met invited me to her 21st in a local pub. I didn't think my mum would let me go, but she saw how excited I was, I promised not to drink, and I'd be home on the last bus. She let me go.
I met my friend at her house, she suggested I try on a top of hers to make me look older, it was quite a sexy top, she did my make-up and I looked much older.
Then we popped into this guys house that she was seeing, there I was in the middle of a room with about ten men all much older by at least ten yrs. They were smoking weed, I didn't even know what it was. This one guy, *John*, kept saying I was so beautiful, he really made a fuss of me, and I was so flattered. No one had ever said I was beautiful before.
After that night he was everywhere I went, and he just kept telling me I was beautiful. I started to look forward to bumping into him and eventually we started dating. I wasn't ready to sleep with him, and for a whole year he waited, I thought he really loved me because he never pressured me into it. I slept with him on my sixteenth birthday. By this time he knew all about my family situation and he manipulated me so easily. He seemed to understand and be on my side, telling me to move out and have nothing to do with them. He had a tiny bedsit, he was a drug dealer, I thought he was popular, and that everyone loved him. He was so charming and some other girls were into him, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world because he chose me.
I used to tell my mom I was staying in a friend's house but I was with him.
Then one night she found out I was with him. She told me to pack my things into a black sack and be gone by the morning. My younger sister and I cried all night. I was gone the next day. I stored my stuff in my job and slept on friends sofa's until a week later I got a bedsit. It wasn't long before he moved in and the name calling started. I grew depressed and unhappy. So I decided to finish with him. I called to his mothers where he sometimes stayed to get a break from me, she was away and he was alone. I stepped inside the door, and told him, I wanted to break it off. He punched me straight in the face, threw me down a set of wooden stairs into the basement. He dragged me into his bedroom, ripped off my clothes and tried to strangle me. When he got off he threatened to rape me if I screamed. He told me to get into bed, and he started telling me how useless I was. What would I do without him, when even my own family doesn't want me. No one would ever love me. I was ugly and damaged goods. He went on for hours. Asking me to answer rhetorical questions. At four in the morning he gave me some of his clothes and told me I could go home if I promised not to split up with him. I promised. I left and headed to the police station, I was running and only about a hundred feet away when he caught up with me. He dragged me back to my place, and kept me prisoner for another day. He wanted sex and I had to pretend I wanted it. He smacked me across the face with the back of his hand because I wasn't enjoying it.
MY LIFE WAS OVER. He rarely left my side, I worked as a waitress and he sat in the cafe nearly all day, picked me up from work. Took my wages off me, wouldn't let me wear nice clothes, or makeup, or even do my hair nice. I got pregnant because he no longer wanted to use contraception. A few weeks into the pregnancy he beat me and I lost the baby. He phoned my parents because the doctors asked him too. They were transferring me to another hospital, when asked if he was coming with me he said there was no point I'd just be asleep. My parents came the next day and picked me up and brought me back to their place. I went home later that day. I tried to ignore him, wouldn't answer the door. Sneaked out the back door in work, but he would eventually find me and not leave my side. He got control again, and promised to change. He kept his word for a while, and started treating me like his little princess again. I thought he'd changed. The day his father died, he was up on charges for possessing an illegal weapon. A knife. The court was adjourned and to avoid prison, he said we'd have to leave the country. Because he had been treating me OK. I thought this was great, I always wanted to get away. He promised he would look after me, and he had a friend we could stay with.
For the next two years, I was punched, kicked, strangled, raped, tied up, starved, imprisoned, stabbed, publicly humiliated, drugged.
I was agoraphobic and couldn't go out. He used to drag me out by the hair kicking and screaming until I was in a ball of fear. Then he'd let me go and I'd run straight into our bedsit. I couldn't even run away. He'd beat me, tie me up naked, humiliate me by ordering me to make his food or clean the blood up, constantly verbally abusing me. Then he would want to know if I still loved him and make me perform sexual acts on him. If I wasn't acting like I enjoyed it he would pull my hair, hit me and lecture me. It sometimes went on for days, especially if he was high on something.
Nobody ever came to rescue me. I still find that hard to accept even now. I thought my family thought I deserved it. I went home to them once, and they sent me straight back to him, even bought me the ticket. He knew he had me then, because I had nowhere else to go, and nobody wanted me, he used this against me all the time.
One time he beat me but I fought back, it was the worst hiding I ever got, but I would just keep screaming and scratching him. He tied me up because he had to go out. While he was out, our downstairs neighbour broke in through the fire escape and brought me down to his place, He and his wife had just moved in with their baby and couldn't believe the screams. They called the police. I was taken to a domestic violence refuge. I was seventeen. I loved it there, being safe, miles away from him he'd never find me. I was given a council apartment. The girls next door were always inviting me out but I was too afraid to go. About six months later I decided to go with them. I had a few drinks and was a bit out of it. We went to a party and *john* was there. I tried to leave but I was frog-marched back to the old flat with him. I woke up the next day and crept out of the flat while he was sleeping. I know he drugged me because I couldn't remember anything, and felt so cloudy. He must have raped me too because I was pregnant. I wanted to have an abortion but couldn't go through with it.
At 7 months pregnant he found me and was waiting for me when I got home. He kept me prisoner for two days beating me and verbally abusing me, and telling me to clean up the mess he'd made, by smashing all the baby things up. He was trying to kill our baby. My neighbours called in and ordered him to leave or they'd call the police. I was taken to hospital and stayed there. I left the country when I was nine months pregnant. My baby was born with severe disabilities. He lived for 6 yrs and died. His father lives up the road from me now, I pass him in the street every week. He seems oblivious to the harm he caused. My son is dead 8 years, I got free of his dad 15 years ago. I'm still having nightmares about it. I still am scared of him. I'm in counselling but it's the one thing I don't seem to be able to recover from.
I am what they call a survivor. But if I had made the right choices I wouldn't have suffered, be still suffering. And my son would not have suffered for 6 years.
So please please take heed if you are with a violent person male or female. Just leave.
Just leave. Just leave.
In This Section:
Domestic Violence Stories
In Love and in Danger is one of the only books available on dating violence and abusive relationships that addresses young adults directly. Includes facts about dating violence, tips for how to tell if your relationship is abusive, information on why dating abuse happens, and what you can do if you are being abused by (or are abusing) someone you love.
To order in the US: In Love and In Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships
To order in the UK: In Love and in Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships
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