Recovering from Abuse - Shifting Perspective
Adapted from the book Bullied by Neville Evans
Being bullied or harassed can cause us a great deal of distress.
Sometimes stress and worry can spiral out of control and we can
add to that feeling of despair. We can create our own personal problems
and walk around with a permanent grey cloud. We become unaware because
we continually repeat the hurt and upset that we have been feeling.
Our mind will focus on an upsetting event and constantly play the
event over and over again. Imagine if you were made to watch a scary
horror film - how do you feel after you have watched the film? Imagine
watching the film on ten occasions one after the other - how would
you feel? Repeating the hurt that you have received helps no one.
You become more negative and people avoid you, and you become more
frustrated and add to the problem.
The problem of repeating negative emotions such as anger, hatred,
and mistrust is very serious. When we repeat the hurt we relive
it and we make it look, feel and seem bigger. We have created a
monster that does not actually exist. This is ironic, as the bully
also repeats the same habit prior to abusing you. If you feel that
this is happening to you, you need to take a break, re-assess and
take a different perspective. The following ideas may help you.
Make your own self care plan and keep it with you for life. If things
are getting too much, revert back to your self care plan. Sometimes
we do forget to look after ourselves, or don't know how to.
Use Visualization As A Coping Tool
When your bully is particularly nasty visualise them standing as
a small clown with a big red nose. Use any type of visualization
that helps you make light of a situation.
Focus On Something Else
Getting away from your troubles will allow you to reflect differently.
The solution to life's troubles is sometimes right under our noses
and focusing on something else helps us to see things differently.
Relax
Do not add to your busy life. A good old fashioned day off is just
what the doctor ordered. Do the things that comfort you; take a
nice hot bath, read a book, eat chocolate, or have a massage.
Do not Drink Alcohol
Alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel more depressed the
next day. Using alcohol to try to solve your problems will inevitably
lead to further feelings of despair.
Eat Regular Meals That Are Well Balanced And Contain The Correct
Nutrients
Skipping meals adds to fatigue and stress. Certain foods are mood
boosters.
Get A Good Night's Sleep
After a good night's sleep we begin the day in a better frame of
mind. Try and keep to the same routine. Go to bed at 10 pm and rise
at about 7 am.
Happiness List
Make a list of all the things that make you feel happy. Carry the
list with you and read it once in a while. Focus on the feeling
of happiness. Do the things that make you feel happy and treat yourself.
Help Others
Helping others helps you. By making someone else's life more pleasurable
you gain friendship, support, skills, respect and new opportunities.
Have Fun
Be spontaneous and decide to do something new; push your boundaries
and enjoy the moment.
Look After Your Pet
If you do not have to own your own pet you could instead walk a
neighbour's dog or go and help at the local cattery. Animals offer
so much happiness.
Exercise
Exercise has been proven to lift your mood. You do not have to
be super fit as 20 minutes of exercise a day is all you need to
do. Start slowly and build yourself up. Exercise has to be fun otherwise
you will not commit to getting fit.
Meet New People Or Start A New Hobby
The old saying "A change is as good as a rest" is certainly true.
A new direction in life can offer new opportunities. Education is
an attitude of mind and helps to broaden your experiences. Look
in your local library or town hall. Research groups on the internet.
Play Music
Classical music works on different levels and has a soothing effect
on your mind, body and soul. The power of music is astonishing.
Write Poetry
Writing poetry allows us to express our inner feelings and helps
us make sense of our world.
Walk In The Country
The green pastures of the countryside relax and soothe us, and
combining the elements with exercise will rejuvenate you. The peace
and tranquillity of nature has a calming effect.
Visit Your Friends And Family
Being around the people who matter to us helps us to reaffirm who
we are and what we stand for. Visiting the people who care for us
gives us an opportunity to talk and express ourselves.
Start The Day With Meditation
Your perception of the world starts with you. Starting the day
with a clear mind allows you to concentrate and listen clearer.
Qualities such as patience, calmness and tolerance develop. By becoming
more centred you co-operate and have the ability to choose your
responses to difficult situations. The article on Using
Meditation to Heal Emotions explains how meditation can help
us recover from abusive relationships and also provides some helpful
meditations.
Article kindly provided by Neville Evans of Bullied Publishing,
all writing is subject to copy write, however please feel free to
disseminate to any person in need. All products listed are available
from www.the-bully.com
Other Articles by Neville Evans on this site:
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