Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Recovering from Abuse - Using Meditation to Heal Emotions

Adapted from the book Bullied by Neville Evans

Why Using Meditation to Heal Emotions while Recovering from Abuse can Help

The bully torments you because his actions are a reflection of how he is feeling. If he feels angry he will act with anger and resentment. The bully transfers his negativity on to you. You will then feel negative and upset. When you are ill you take medicine in order to feel better. The medicine has the opposite effect and neutralises the illness. The practice of meditation acts like medicine. With the power of thought you can counteract the effect of negative emotions.

If our mind is peaceful we will be free from worries and mental discomfort and so we will experience true happiness and relaxation. But if our mind is not peaceful we will find it very difficult to be happy and relaxed. Bullying destroys our peace and happiness. However, it is only you who can decide to make things better.

There are many forms of meditation. Meditation can be used to improve your mental happiness and heal emotions while recovering from abuse. Try different styles of meditation and experiment with the one that suits your particular needs. Some styles focus on a particular religious aspect and others do not. It is entirely up to you.

What Is Meditation?

Meditation is the practice of focussing your mind on a positive, virtuous feeling. For example if you are feeling bitter and resentful and you focus your meditation on the feeling of love. After spending time concentrating on the feeling of love, your mind will feel more peaceful. Meditation has its origins in many of the world's religions. It is a technique and there is not a right way or wrong way to meditate. The goal of meditation is to train the mind to think more positively. If we train in meditation, our mind will gradually become more and more peaceful, and we shall experience a purer form of happiness. Eventually we shall be able to stay happy all the time, even in the most difficult circumstances.

What Are The Benefits Of Meditation to Heal Emotions?

Meditation has been scrutinized by many scientific studies. It has been proven that the technique of meditation can reduce stress and improve relaxation.

How Do I Meditate?

Meditate in a clear and quiet place.
Do not rush straight into the meditation but spend a few moments to relax into a comfortable posture with your back straight but not tense.
Always begin by developing a positive wish to benefit yourself and others through your meditation.
Try not to forget the objective meditation. The objective is the type of feeling you are trying to focus on.

Before you rise from meditation, mentally dedicate the positive energy that you have created to yourself and others.

Throughout the day try and recall the feeling of meditation as often as you can. Use it to guide everything you think, say and do. Spend twenty minutes each day meditating.

What Can I Expect?

The practice of meditation will take some time to master, and take each session slowly. Meditation is a skill that can be learnt. Like all skills you have to practice them daily. Do not be hard on yourself in the early days. You will get glimpses of a peaceful mind, however, with time and effort the experience of peace will lengthen.

An Actual Meditation - "Breathing Meditation"

Sit on a chair in quiet a room by yourself. Unplug the phone and give yourself twenty minutes of uninterrupted time. Keep your feet firmly on the floor. Place your hands in a cupped position and find a relaxed position with your back straight. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and count in your head to the number four. Exhale with a long relaxed breath and count to the number six. Continue with this until you are feeling a little more relaxed. Spend five minutes breathing deeply.

Thoughts will keep whizzing into your head. Don't try and stop them but let them come and go. Thoughts are like the tide; they come in and go out. Try not to let the tide sweep you out to sea. Continue to focus on your breath. As you inhale feel the cool air pass your nostrils, and as you exhale feel the warm air pass through your nostrils. Focus on the feelings of cold air and warm air. Continue breathing deeply for six counts and exhaling for six counts. Try and hold your concentration for five minutes. Within this breathing meditation we are aiming to focus on the feeling air.

Relax and breathe. As you relax maintain your concentration. As you inhale imagine the breath as white smoke entering your body, helping you and nourishing every cell in your body. As you exhale imagine thick black smoke leaving your body, making you more rejuvenated and stronger. Imagine that you are slowly cleansing your mind. Visualise your pure heart and feel at peace with yourself.

Slowly resume by concentrating on your breath, enjoying that space of calm and happiness. Open your eyes.

A Meditation To Oppose Anger - Focussing And Harvesting A Loving Mind

"I feel really angry. My stomach is churning up inside and I feel really irritable. I just want to punch someone. How dare they do this to me? I hate them, and I hate my life. I just want to cry, Ahhhhh!"


Sit on a chair in a quiet room by yourself. Unplug the phone and give yourself twenty minutes of uninterrupted time. Keep your feet firmly on the floor. Place your hands in a cupped position and find a relaxed position with your back straight. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and count in your head to the number four. Exhale with a long relaxed breath and count to the number six. Continue with this until you are feeling a little more relaxed. Spend five minutes breathing deeply.

Today there are many people who exist to benefit you and do so to ensure all your happiness. Believe it or not, but kindness is all around us. Every act that a person does has at the heart of it an act of kindness or goodness. Starting with you, I want you to consider the kindness that you have received. As you read through the following descriptions I want you to think about your own life and feel each person's happiness.

The clothes you are wearing were the result of someone else's happiness. Many people were involved in making the clothes in harsher conditions than you are living in. Roads were built to help transport the clothes. The roads were built by hard physical work in very demanding circumstances. The labourers were working for their happiness and yours. Eventually the clothes were displayed in a shop. You were given money so that you could purchase them.

The room you are sitting in was constructed to provide your family with shelter and security. The architect, the builder, the carpenter, the plasterer all co-operated to provide you with this basic need. The meal you ate last passed through many hands before you ate it. The farmer, the packager, the cook all worked together to feed you. They did this to provide happiness to themselves and others.

Happiness is born out of love. The book you are reading was given to you as others want you to be happy. Your family spent hours teaching you to read and sent you to school. The teacher taught you many skills so that you can co-operate in this world. All your daily needs have been taken care off. Somebody somewhere has considered your problems and has provided a solution to your suffering. We have central heating, clean sanitation, medicines, charities, transportation, education, music, etc. All that is around us has been provided by many people. Indeed I have written this book as I genuinely want you to be happy.

Focus on feeling and understanding that others have acted as a result of love. As you visualise all this kindness focus on the feeling of love that is developing in your heart. Now keep and hold the feeling of love within your heart until it begins to fade away.

As it fades away remind yourself about how many people have benefited you and acted out of love, once again focus and concentrate on the feeling of love.

As you rise out of the meditation return to focussing on your breath, imagine all your anger slowly rising in the air as thick black smoke. As you take a breath imagine pure light entering every part of your body.

A Meditation To Heal Life's Problems

This powerful meditation is also know as "taking and giving". It is a meditation that heals and restores.

Imagine in your mind all the problems, anxieties and fears that you have about the bullying that you are experiencing. Picture the people, circumstances and situations clearly. Remind yourself about the hurt that you have been feeling and the emotions that have accumulated in your heavy heart. Now imagine rising above all this hurt and clearly seeing all that has happened to you. Slowly imagine turning these visions into thick black smoke. As you take a deep breath in, imagine all the black smoke entering your body. The smoke clears as it enters your heart and dissolves. Now as you exhale imagine sending rays of warm, pure light from your heart breaking all the unhappiness in the world. Send as much light to as many people as you can. Continue to use this visualisation as you breathe in and out. Focus your concentration on this meditation for as long as you can.

Article kindly provided by Neville Evans of Bullied Publishing, all writing is subject to copyright, however please feel free to disseminate to any person in need.

Other Articles by Neville Evans on this site:

Return from Recovering from Abuse - Using Meditation to Heal Emotions to Domestic Violence Articles

Leaving Abusive Relationships and Your Safety
Safety Planning in Abusive Relationships
Thinking about Leaving
Affirmations and the inner critic
Self-hypnosis and Relaxation
Self-care following Trauma
Surviving Domestic Abuse

Recommended Reading:

Lundy Bancroft has written what is probably the most comprehensive and readable book on domestic violence, the beliefs of the abuser and the dynamics of abuse. This truly is a MUST READ for anyone seriously trying to understand domestic abuse and how to cope with an abusive relationship:

To order in the US: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

To order in the UK: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven is the book to accompany the Freedom Programme in the UK. This book should be compulsory in schools - the information is so clear and so obvious and such an eye-opener! After studying domestic violence issues for years, this is the one book which finally enabled me to click it all into place and answer all my whys. Just read it:

To order in the US: Living With the Dominator (Kindle version only - and well worth buying a Kindle just to get this book!)

To order in the UK: Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1

Click on the donate botton below to support Hidden Hurt. Thanks you.

UK National Domestic Violence Freephone number 0808 2000 247

About Neville Evans

Neville EvansNeville Evans is a serving police officer in the UK police service. Neville has written three self published books that are the result of ten years of policing experience. Neville says "Policing by its very nature exposes police officers to a large number of situations. Within this experience police officers meet many different people who are experiencing social problems such as domestic violence, hate crime, bullying and street violence. I wrote my first two books to try and address these issues. The books have been written from a needs perspective. When a person is living in a chaotic situation, their thinking patterns narrow. This narrowing stops them from seeing opportunities for safety, protection, legal remedies and emotional support. My job is to help you see that there are real opportunities that can be used to help and support you."

Neville has received recognition for his work from a variety sources and has been nominated for a number of prestigious awards. Neville says "I am only as successful as the last person that I have helped, I hope that this can be you".

To order books by Neville Evans in the US go to: Books by Neville Evans

To order books by Neville Evans in the UK go to: Books by Neville Evans

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