Domestic Violence Myths and Facts
Domestic violence myths abound. Nearly everyone we bump into will have some form of preconception on what domestic violence actually is, why abusers abuse and why victims are victimised.
In the same way as we tend to have a stereotypical picture of what domestic abuse is, we have similar pictures of what sort of person both the abused and the abuser are. We may assume the abused will have originated from a family where abuse took place, may have been abused themselves during childhood, may be poor, unkempt or uneducated. Some people believe the victim actually enjoys being abused in some masochistic way (!?!), or is encouraging it because they enjoy the attention of feeling victimised.
However, our perceptions tend to be biased by domestic violence myths, perpetuated both by the media and by society in general, and are unrelated to the reality or the extent of Domestic Abuse. ANYBODY can become a victim of Domestic Abuse .
Following are some of the domestic violence myths and facts:
Abuse only happens in certain "problem" families, ethnic minorities, uneducated or poorer areas.
Domestic Abuse is a family matter.
Domestic Abuse is not such a big problem very few women are actually badly hurt .
Some women ask for it, provoke it, want it or even deserve it.
Domestic Abuse is caused by excessive alcohol or the use of drugs .
Domestic abuse is a one-off incident .
It cant be that bad, or she/he would leave .
Abusers are always coarse, nasty, violent men and easily identified
Lesbians, men and gay men dont get battered or abused.
Abusers or batterers just have a problem expressing anger. They need counselling or Anger Management courses to learn to resolve disputes without violence.
In This Section:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
The long-awaited book from our very own Steve from the Hidden Hurt Message Forum as finally arrived!
THE JERK RADAR
Have you ever gone out with someone who seemed perfect at first, but ended
up being a nightmare? Do you find yourself falling in love but ending up feeling
disrespected and used? Would you like to make sure that something like that
never happens to you (or someone you care about) again? If so, this book is
written for you. There are lots of books about how to tell if you're in an
abusive relationship. This is book will keep you from getting into one in
the first place. Jerk Radar will help you see how a Jerk takes advantage of
common cultural expectations and romantic myths to blind you to his true intentions.
It will give you concrete ways to test out his intentions in the course of
a normal conversation. And the Jerk Radar Quiz provides an effective tool
to screen every partner for Jerky tendencies well before obviously selfish
behavior emerges. Full of true stories from abuse survivors, Jerk Radar pulls
no punches in exposing what Jerks do and why we fall for it. This is a useful,
down-to-earth, practical guide to avoiding a bad relationship instead of recovering
from one. Read it today - it just may change your life!
To order in the US: Jerk Radar: How to Stop an Abusive Relationship Before It Starts
To order in the UK:Jerk Radar: How to Stop an Abusive Relationship Before It Starts
Steve McCrea, MS, has worked for over 20 years with survivors
of domestic abuse and their children. He has participated in many local collaboartive
projects on domestic abuse, and has provided community trainings on working
effectively with domestic abuse survivors. He currently works as an advocate
for children in the foster care system. He has volunteered for the past 9
years as facilitator for an on-line abuse survivor community, whose members
contributed most of the stories in the book.
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