The Dominator

This information on The Dominator has kindly been provided by Pat Craven who runs The Freedom Programme ©

To exemplify the differing beliefs held and tactics used by the domestic violence perpetrator the Freedom Programme© uses the character of the Dominator, comparing it to the character of the Friend. The different faces or types of abuse are all aspects of the Dominator's personality which he uses to control his partner:

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The Bully

• Uses intimidation to control us, eg glares, shouts, smashes things, sulks

The Headworker

• Uses emotional abuse to control us, eg puts us down, tells us that we are too fat, too thin, ugly, useless, stupid, etc

The Badfather

• Uses the children to control us, eg says we are bad mothers, turns the children against us, uses access to harrass us, threatens to take the children away, persuades us to have 'his' baby, then refuses to help care for it

The Jailer

• Isolates us, eg stops us from working and seeing friends, tells us what to wear, keeps us in the house, seduces our friends/family

The Liar

• Minimises or denies any abuse, blames us or other factors for it, uses excuses, eg says it was 'only' a slap, blames drink, stress, overwork, us, unemployment, etc

The King of the Castle

• Controls us by treating us as second class citizens, eg treats us as a servant/slave, says women are for sex, cooking and housework, expects sex on demand, controls all the money

The Sexual Controller

• Uses sex to control us, eg rapes us, won't accept 'No' as an answer, keeps us pregnant, OR refuses our advances

The Persuader

• Uses coercion or threats to control us AFTER we have left or reported him to wheedle his way back into the relationship, eg threatens to hurt or kill us or our children, cries, says he loves us, threatens to kill himself, threatens to report us to Social Services, DSS, etc

About the Freedom Programme

The Freedom Programme © was put together and is run by Pat Craven and evolved from her work with perpetrators of domestic violence. The Programme is primarily designed for women as victims of domestic violence, since research shows that in the vast majority of cases abuse is male on female. Both women and men who are the perpetrators of abuse can also be helped to change their attitudes and actions, with the new Home Study Course.

The Freedom Programme© examines the roles played by attitudes and beliefs on the actions of abusive men and the responses of women victims and survivors. The aim is to help women who have experience domestic violence to make sense of and understand what has happened to them, instead of the whole experience just feeling like a horrible mess.

The Freedom Programme© is usually delivered as a rolling programme, which means that you can join at any time, and comprises 12 sessions, looking at the different aspects or personalities within the Dominator, together with the effect of domestic violence on any children living in the home.

Find out more about the Freedom Programme.