Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Rockin' in Rockford

For me, the 4th time was the charm and it was actually pretty easy because I was finally ready.

I already knew what he was and there was no hope. I already knew that everything - and I do mean everything - that he had ever said and ever would say could be described as a grain of twisted truth wrapped in a lie, then wrapped in more twisted truths, and then ultimately gift wrapped in something to which he thought I would react.

The statements were always so believable when uttered because for a certain amount of time he actually seemed to believe what he said, hence he could be quite convincing to anyone like me who once thought people were generally honest and only lied occasionally.

But by the 4th time I decided to go NC it was obvious that there would be no point whatsoever in talking to him because there was nothing that would come out of his mouth, or be said in an email or a text message, that would be anything but more of the same.

It only took two months and I was completely free from whatever it was that had held me in sway for so long. After three or four months, an attack began and I was ready for that, too. If I had not successfully gone NC for the prior months, then I would have reacted to the attacks, but I was able to deflect them as though I was wrapped in a shield, and I actually found it amusing that he would seriously accuse me of stealing from him when - in fact - he stole from me! I ignored about a week or two of that before the effort ceased. Then after a few months of blessed silence he began contacting me to obtain my help with something, and to tell me how much he loved me. I did not give him a chance to explain, but I did say goodbye to him without any regrets other than for the years I wasted believing in him.

I urge anyone who has endured an abusive relationship to maintain NC for as long as it takes to realize that there isn't any reason to want contact ever again. Once the wish is there and it isn't rooted in spite; once you know that there is no point in having contact and it is nothing more than a waste of time to converse with a manipulative, dishonest, scheming, pathetic human being who will never change because he believes himself to be the most honest person in the universe, you will know you are fully back in the world.

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

To order in the UK: It's My Life Now


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