Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Remind your self that none of this is your fault.

by sara

When the Feelings of guilt get too much you need to tell yourself that it is NOT your fault.

He brought all this on himself and you never wanted it to come to an end like this.

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May 15, 2013
it's not my fault
by: Anonymous

That's been good to read. He is in UK, I went to visit family in Aust. and just couldn't return without him recognising how bad things were for me. After 8-16 months of trying to reason it out on the phone, and asking him yet again to take concrete action to really make changes- or even take some responsibility rather than blaming me for everything, I realised he didn't even see there was a problem before my not returning. The problem for him as it stands, is that I am unreasonable and despicable because I 'stole' 'his' child and left.
I've given him so many opportunities.
I went to live in his brother's house 6 months after I decided not to return, to meet him there in a place he felt comfortable. I paid to travel there and lost work while there. I didn't visit any of my dear friends in that city even though I hadn't seen them for some years. I stuck it out despite being ribbed by his family and despite almost being struck in front of our 2 1/2 year old while he blamed me for his choice of carpet in our house in the uk.
I went back to the uk some months after 'leaving' to see if it was worth working it out.
I ended up feeling terrified. I stuck it out again, so his arguments of: 'you never even consider me and (our daughter's) relationship- you never do anything for us to be together..', giving up more than one chnce to see my dear friends over there. I stuck it out to the last day, keeping my mouth shut, listening to him lying to his family behind my back, telling them things about me that were twisted and distorted untruths.
And many more opportunities.
All not acknowledged, and the abuse continues from afar...and from visits from him- being told he wants to kill me, wishes he could murder me...swearing at our daughter he can't stand her ***mother...

It does not have to be like this.
I have have have to accept that he is making the choices he is making, and sadly many people are suffereing for that.
I have have have to believe I am doing my best by her, firstly. By others in his family and by him, to the best of my ability. I have have have to accept that I owe myself to take care of myself.
I have to accept he is not going to change....

I feel so bad about what he is missing......

Thank you for letting me write this- this is the first I have done this.
I think maybe someone here might understand.

I really want to rid myself of the grief and the guilt............

May 05, 2013
too true
by: Anonymous

he is in court next week facing serious jail time and i feel as if it is my fault. Thanks for reminding me its not.

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

To order in the UK: It's My Life Now


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