Remember who you were

by Susan Robertson
(aberdeen)

Remember who you were before you got into an abusive relationship. Rememberer the young child full of hopes and dreams and inspiration! That person is till inside of you, has never left you and is just waiting for the day it can break free and rediscover itself again an learn again to laugh an dream and have some realistic and some silly plans for the future. The main thin this child had, was a future, a positive one,in which all things would and could be possible. Domestic violence takes away and buries that child. Here is my story:

It has been 12 years now and still at times of abuse can interrupt my thoughts. I still wonder why I made such a bad decisions?

I was 27 when I met him. Neither confident nor shy. Just a bit happy go lucky. The pressure of being single at 27 may have been a part of it. But ignorance was the main player in it all. I really did not believe anyone could be so cruel. I kept looking for the good in him. The good he kept telling me was being suppressed by looking after my problems. I in turn tried to be the best partner for him.

But myy best was never going to be good enough. I know that now. I became too stretched. Too stressed. I was totally under his out of control behaviour. He was in and out of jobs and spending all the money. I knew I was in trouble.

Doors to leave opened in the relationships all the time. I had unwittingly became afraid of him. I kept thinking I somehow messed it all up. So busy working on changing myself. The axe finally fell. The last punch came.

I said to myself no more. Things I learnt in the relationship. Controlling individuals have no real perception of how far they stretch good human nature. Or how much good human nature can take. They just keep pushing the buttons. You either stay and become like them. Or leave and rebuild without them. Someone very close to me told me what my future was going to be if I stayed. A wheel chair. I listened. With support from my family and good work friends I managed to leave.

It was easy to leave him in the end. I stopped feeling sorry for him. He never once felt sorry for me. Rebuilding and trusting again has been hard. But not nearly as hard as staying would have been.

Just bit by bit remember who you were and who you can be again. This time older and wiser, but never, never give up on those old dreams and inspirations!

Much love you,
xxx