Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Remember how to Relax

by A Survivor

It might take a while to remember how to relax ...

After "walking on eggshells" and predicting mood swings and always being ready for the next attack be it physical or mental, we (survivors) forget how to completely and genuinely relax. Well now is our chance! We're free!

I realised after five months of freedom that I had finally learnt how to breath calmly and at peace again, without stress or worry or panic and heightened senses to watch and predict my attacker's next movements and emotions.

I strongly suggest to every survivor when the sun is out, bring out paints or play dough etc for the kids to be happy, busy and give you some peace. You put your feet up read a book, stroke the dog and just let time slip by.

Think about how you got out and no matter how hard that was, you did it!! YOU!! Well done you! You and your child/children are safe and free, we now have happy fulfilled lives ahead! Gone are the days of simply existing!!

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Apr 04, 2015
Mind Therapy
by: Anonymous

Mental relaxation is such an important things in everyday life, because it calms your physical health also your brain will work according to your need and demands. Some people do a minute eye close therapy which is good for mental health, because your mind 24 hours working while on sleeping or on work.

Sep 07, 2013
How very true!
by: Anonymous

I really needed to read your comment and remind myself that 'I!!!' have done it...I left with my kids with what we could carry. It has taken me 5 months to get my divorce after 18 years of emotional and mental abuse!!! I intitally felt elation but now feel lost..thanks for the positive reminder-we are all better for the changes we have made and at least now we are free! x

Oct 13, 2012
you are so brave
by: Sima

Just remember how brave you are. It is a lonely place- life is- but enjoy being in your own skin and enjoying being nice and loving to yourself. This person does not deserve your affection. Keep lots for yourself and for the simple pleasures in life. Many people feel lonely- it is just the start of life- it is not something you must tolerate. I enjoy my own company day by day- not the hideous ups and downs my husband put me through- not the roller coaster. If i want a roller coaster I will just get on one, at my own will.

Sep 02, 2012
Not There Yet.
by: LH

That is great and very useful advice which i hope to follow but as I am only 2 weeks out of a bad relationship I am still in a very bad, sad, lonely place and oddly enough I am missing my husband dreadfully. Roll on happier days. x

Jul 28, 2012
Dare To dream
by: Anonymous

I have had a hard time giving up the dreams I had for my marriage. I worked so hard to keep the peace and anticipate the bad moods. I have spent so much time managing him the real me has all but disappeared. I have decided to lay out a blue print of what I want my life to be. This little bit of daydreaming has given me so much joy and it's all mine. He is not allowed to mess with my dreams anymore and eventually I will shine so bright he will never be able to cast even a shadow in my life ever again.

May 05, 2011
Just so true!
by: Hidden Hurt

Hi and yes, that is just so true. I forgot what it felt like to relax too and even years later I still sometimes realise that I have fallen back into the emotional pattern of feeling tense and 'waiting' and have to consciously relax and reassure myself that there is no need for being vigilant any more.

Thanks for the reminder and since the sun is shining, I will go and have a cup of tea outside now! :)

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

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