Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Have NO contact even if there is children involved

by Anonie

I have found that cutting all contact on my part has helped me feel in control and has given me the breathing space to get a clearer perspective.

Having family to talk to and getting their outside perspective has helped immensely too.

I allow him to call the children but I never answer the phone or reply to messages anymore. I am waiting to apply for a relocation order and once I get that in place I will block him from calling or messaging. He will only have access to contact my number at the set time he is to speak to the children.

The less contact you have the better. Just remember these people are sick and no matter how much you try to get them to see your point or to empathise with your feelings the more frustration, anger and resentment will set in.

Don't bother wasting your energy.

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Feb 01, 2015
All very well, but ...
by: Lindsey

It sounds as though in your situation this does not apply, but in many situations, the abuser actively seeks direct contact with the children, and in the vast majority of cases, this is granted by the courts.

I have heard of a number of cases where the courts have basically said that just because the parents might have a few domestic issues, that should not prevent the children from enjoying the their human right to have contact, if possible regular and equal, with both parents, and that both parents should play equal roles in deciding what is in the best interest of the children.

Even been cases were a man has tried to murder or has succeeded in murdering the mother, and has STILL been allowed contact with the children. So unless you have very good evidence to suggest that he is a danger to the children, it might be difficult to just remove him from their lives.

A friend of mine a few years ago could even prove that her ex was sexually molesting their youngest daughter (who was still a baby). It went to court, but because the witnesses to the event were still children themselves, it was thrown out due to lack of evidence, and his full, unsupervised contact was reinstated. She had no option but to run away and live in hiding to protect her daughter.

If you are one of the lucky ones, then post separation, the father will basically not want to be bothered with the children and contact will slowly dwindle and stop altogether. That might create issues for the children along the lines of why has my father abandoned me or what did mother do to drive father away, but long-term these children tend to have fewer issues than those exposed to post-separation manipulation and abuse.

Anyway, not trying to put you off trying to protect your children with No Contact, just very aware of how difficult it can be to actually carry it through if the abuser is determine to remain in contact.

All the best

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