Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Each return makes it a little worse

(United Kingdom)



Nola, and to anyone else in the same situation,

I have been there. I was a victim of domestic violence, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, coercive control, lying, manipulating, put downs, threats, mood swings. You name it, I'm sure at some point I've touched upon it within the marriage that I left.

What I will say is this, each time you return, it gets a little worse. Either their actions get worse, or you get weaker against them. I still have not figured out which, but it always gets worse.

Maybe they will try another tactic to wear you down. My physical assaults were replaced with constant screaming the next time I went back, leaving me shaking and unable to function for the rest of the day. Threatening texts turned to constant texts and missed calls.

What made the last time, the very last time? When it involved my children, because I had almost got immune to his antics, but they are innocent in all of this. They can't be blamed the same way an abuser can blame a victim.

When you're thinking of returning, remember all the bad stuff, why you left, and don't get tempted to run back. That's like a big welcome sign for the abuse to come back too. I hope Nola, that you really are the exception to prove the idea that every time you come back, it gets worse, and that you can be happy this time.

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

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