A Whole New Beginning

by Sally
(united kingdom)

Telling myself I was finally free and never had to walk on eggshells again, that there was a life out there that I wanted again for me and my children and that he wasn't going to win anymore. He was the loser in the long run of things and we will move forward and be happy and live a normal life again. He never ever will, he'll always be what he is because he doesn't know how to change. But we will always have each other.

We moved home to new surroundings and made it ours - not something he controlled and destroyed.
I still struggle with emotions nearly two years on but saying that it's not like it was when he was in my life. I found researching domestic abuse and knowing the reasons is helping me. I am moving on! It's taking time and it's not easy but my life is now my own and I now have the chance to find me again, not some quivering wreck that was isolated and a shell of my former independent self. You think it'll never happen to you, but it truly happens to the best of us, you are unsuspecting and caring and see the bigger picture, until one day you realize you have been drawn into something you never thought you would.
But there is a way out and you will find it when you are ready and you will survive and live your life in your way again, it's true: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!

Comments for A Whole New Beginning

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

May 12, 2015
Rating

GOD IS GREAT!!
by: Anonymous

I was in a relationship with my best friend whom turned out to be a total stranger. He took everything from me including my dignity and self respect. I almost committed suicide which took a long time for me to actually accept that I was suicidal because of the life I was living. That was a wake up call for me and God spoke to me through my daughters cry. It was a miracle!! I left and it was as difficult to be alone as it was to be with him. I went to a shelter, got counselling and every day was a struggle to succeed. Years have past and I finally understand life is to be lived with no fear!! I am successful and enjoy everyday to the fullest. I thank GOD for being with me every step of the way. I am still growing.

Aug 03, 2014
Rating

Light at the end of the tunnel
by: Anonymous

I lived in silence for so many years in an emotionally abusive relationship. I had even wrote letters to myself over the years to remind myself of the many occasions. I made so many excuses for his behaviour over the years that I believed this was the 'norm'! So many years of put downs dreading coming home for fear of what sort of mood he would be in, having to choose my words carefully so as to not trigger off his anger. He smoked marajuana heavily for many years but this was also my fault appartantly as he would say 'why wouldn't I married to you''. My self esteem was so low my confidence almost nil. I lived in a numb state for so long not knowing what I liked or even who I was. One of my dearest long time friends said to me 'what happened to you' this hurt as she knew me too well. Then came his affair and I was to blame for that also even though this hurt I am thankful for it in a strange way, as I'm remembering who I was I'm happy, I'm free and Im calm and I understand I'm also not walking on egg shellsxx

Mar 19, 2014
Rating

Feeling blessed
by: Anonymous

I read some of the comments and it validates many of the same feelings such as fear and totally living on eggshells. I recently got out of an abusive relationship, 8 months ago. So it is pretty new and is working everyday to know myself again. Fortunately I did not have any children, but suffered a lot of physical and emotional abuse. I managed to get out safely...with a safety plan. I moved to a different location, so had to readjust plus left my 18 year job. Bit is currently working again and rebuilding my life. I am so thankful that I am safe now and getting to know myself again. As someone mentioned, you never think this would happen to you...being a career woman and was so ashamed that this was happening to me. But it's never to late. My intuition always told me this was wrong and save yourself. Finally one day I did,....I thank God each and everyday for giving me the strength to save myself!

Oct 20, 2013
Rating

Thank you
by: Anonymous

aww you are very welcome, how lovely to hear that my story has given encouragement to even just one person, I am so glad you are finding the strength to get through your own situation now, its not easy at all and there aren't many who can fully ever understand how you ever got in that situation in the first place, even us ourselves probably will never know, all I can say is now you are out you will start to feel the benefits and they only improve with time, no matter how you feel on a bad day nothing will ever feel as bad as it did when you were in that situation I promise. I've just finished a lengthy court battle over access to my son, felt like one of the worst times of my life and made me hate his father even more, but we got through it and he gave up after a year and showed his true colours to everyone, always here if theres anything you need to know, or even if you're having a bad day and need to air off, been there hun still going through some emotions but very nearly out the other side xxx

Oct 20, 2013
Rating

Thank you!
by: Anonymous

First of all, I think you're amazing and strong and your little munchkins have a very wonderful mummy!! :)
I'd really like to say Thankyou for posting your survival for myself and others to find and draw inspiration from.
I'm in the very early stages of survival and have put steps in place so he can't walk back into our lives for a very long time at least, but now I'm slowly coming out of shock and denial and dealing with the stark reality. Your words and courage reignited my determination to pull my head out the sand and face this head on. I can see glimmers of a long term goal now and won't stop fighting till I get my kiddies and myself there. Great job girl. Thankyou x

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Tips on Surviving after Leaving.

Return to Hidden Hurt Home

Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

To order in the UK: It's My Life Now

Healing from Abuse - coming soon

Personal DV Stories

Personal DV Stories 2