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Hidden Hurt Update, March 2012
December 07, 2013

Dear Friend,

Another busy month and I am slowly catching up on some of the articles, stories and poems sent in, but there are plenty more just waiting for inclusion.

New Message Forum

Sadly, with the demise of the US domestic violence site Rhiannon3, our jointly hosted message forum has also gone, since it was hosted on the US server. We have therefore had to create a new message forum and hope that most of our regular posters (over the last 10 years) will be able to find their way back to it. The new forum is accessible either by logging on to Hidden Hurt and then clicking through to the Message Forum, or directly by going to .

New Pages on Hidden Hurt

In the meantime, here are a few New Pages which have been uploaded to Hidden Hurt to share with you. These were originally on the US site, but since the site appears to be down, we are reproducing them for you here:

How to tell the are Not Changing Abusive Behaviour - How can we tell if they are not changing abusive behaviour, even when they appear to have made changes, have maybe attended a course, or made some other show of commitment to change? The following have been collected from the experiences of our message board members, as examples of how to tell they are not changing abusive behaviour, mabe just changing tactics!

No Contact After Leaving Abuse - No Contact After Leaving Abuse is the act of cutting off all communication from an abusive person in order to reclaim your life and become a survivor of abuse in the most permanent way. Cutting off all communication means exactly what it says - no conversations, no email, no phone calls, no text messages, no notes, no messages passed via common friends, family or other third parties. In effect, you render the abusive person's tactics useless - an act which ultimately sets you free. These tried and tested ways of keeping to No Contact After Leaving abuse have been collected from various members of our long-term message board. These are tactics they have found to work! Since the whole article was basically put together by contributions from this (and previous) board members, I have included a form at the base of the page for us to continue adding thoughts and experiences along the same theme. :)

Updated Article:

Leaving an Abusive Relationship and your Safety - It is well known that one of the most dangerous times for women is when she is leaving an abusive relationship and your safety is therefore of vital importance. Whether you are currently just considering leaving or whether you are already at the stage of building up a safety plan for leaving, this advice on leaving an abusive relationship and your safety could be vital. This aricle was written for Hidden Hurt by PC Neville Evans of South Wales, UK.

Book Recommendation of the Month:

Neville Evans is a police constable in South Wales, UK, with many years of policing experience, helping and guiding victims of bullying, domestic violence and other hate crime. This comprehensive and easy to read book for victims and survivors of such crimes provides practical suggestions on keeping safe, responding to bullying and aggressive behaviour and guides us through the mass of helpful agencies, including filing police reports and court appearances. A MUST read for anyone currently stuck in an abusive relationship, recently escaped, being stalked and for friends and family trying to provide support:

To order in the US: The UK bullying and hate crime handbook

To order in the UK: The UK bullying and hate crime handbook

And Finally ...

As usual VERY BIG thank you for sending those personal stories in, please keep them coming. Reading about the experiences and feelings of other survivors helps tremendously in realising that we are not alone, that there is a way of escaping the abuse and that there is the possibility of recovery and a happier life in the future. If you have a story to tell or would like to share a poem or other thoughts, please send it to

A quick reminder. If you send me an email, I will only reply if it states within the email that it is safe to do so or if it is obvious from the content that you are no longer at risk of abuse. I am also not qualified to give legal advice or counselling - if you need specific advice on housing or professional help, please contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0800 2000 247 (UK). For general support and to simply talk about and discuss your situation, remember that we also run a joint UK/US message forum which is very active and superbly supportive (you can find the link to the forum on the left-hand side of all the pages on Hidden Hurt).

All the best,


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