Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

You aren't alone

by Anon

I can't give you any advice because I'm in a similar situation. only it's just the beginning stages. The controlling guilt tripping stages.

All I can tell you is that you're not alone. Somehow we have to find strength in ourselves to get away from these men.

A wise woman once told me, you have to be the right person to find the right person. She also said it is not the branch that a bird relies on, but his own wings. Find your wings.

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Mar 14, 2015
Response to Anon
by: Lindsey

I like the wise words your were told. Very true.

But in trying to deal with or break away from an abusive relationship, you do not have to be alone, you do not just have to find the strength inside of you. There are people who specialise in helping you and supporting you: DV organisations, Shelters and Refuges, the police and the laws of the land.

You mention that you are still in the early stages of the relationship becoming abusive. May I suggest you get out before it gets worse? If you know enough about domestic violence and the cycle of abuse and the types of methods used to control and manipulate abuse victims, then you will also know that it is likely to get much, much worse as time goes on.

Many abuse victims think "I can still cope with this, it is not too bad, he hasn't hit me yet" or something along those lines and wait, in the hope that their partner improves, and tell themselves that if they give them a bit longer, just one more chance, or if it happens again, THEN they will leave. BUT the longer one stays in an abusive relationship, the more difficult it is to leave (especially where there are joint children involved), because of the concept of traumatic bonding and because our self-esteem is eroded by the gradually worsening emotional and verbal abuse.

So please also, consider the calling a helpline or joining the Hidden Hurt forum, just reaching out, and consider what your alternatives are to living with abuse, even if you can see that it is in its early stages.

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

To order in the UK: It's My Life Now


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