Writing things down

by Rachel
(London, ENG)

I found that writing things down helped me. When I finished with my partner I wrote two pages of all the names he called me and the physical abuse he did.

So when a month or so later I start missing him and remembering the good, then I can recall the bad things that he did.

Also reguarly using positive affirmation cards by Louise Hay has been very helpful. You deserve good.

Comment from Hidden Hurt Moderator:

Thank you for your suggestions Rachel. I think your idea of writing things down, eg the bad stuff that happened, as well as how you are feeling about it all, is really good advice. It is helpful being able to look back and read up on how things really were during the relationship, as sometimes when we think of the 'good times' (also known as the honeymoon period in the cycle of abuse!) it is difficult not to miss those things. Having written things down, it helps us gain a perspective on events.

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Oct 12, 2015
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thanks
by: Anonymous

thanks for the ideas of writing things down. I have heard of journalling before, but not quite sure what that meant in real terms.

But just writing things down as you have suggested seems like a powerful way of reminding myself of what has been and where I do not want to end up again!

Thanks again for your suggestions.

Aug 11, 2015
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Writing to Heal
by: Debbie

I deliberately compiled my list of why I left in the first weeks of leaving as I knew I would only remember the magic of our 25 years. Even now, 14 months later, I can refer to it and realise that I didn't know how bad it was - dead woman walking and felt as if my face would crack if I smiled.

I find writing about my different stages and progress points very cathartic - it gets the 'unfair, why me' out and somehow I feel cleaner. Think it helps with the self love, respect side. Good luck girls - keep going; don't dwell; move forward.

Dec 09, 2013
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Writing Things Down
by: Anonymous

Hi - I also write things down to remind me of what my husband is like 5 days out of 7. The problem is that in the 2 days a week he can be charming, and my brain really wants to forget the other 5 days.

So writing it down helps - I include the context and any triggers as well as the verbal abuse.

I write it down at the time so it is an immediate record. It is useful as my husband's tactic is to dilute what he has done - he says things like 'we had a row' [implies mutuality] or 'sorry if I was tricky' [no, called me the c-word for the third night in a row is not tricky].

It also helps show the patterns.

Nov 23, 2013
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writing things down
by: jayne

After leaving a abusive relationship just over 4 years ago,I still have some bad times. And when I do I look back on how far I have come by reading what I wrote down, and think "my god was it really that bad"? And the answer is yes it was and I deserve better than that .

Jan 13, 2013
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Reminders
by: Carole, Edinburgh

I also found writing things down to be helpful. A month after I left I couldn't sleep as all the bad things that had happened to me were going round my head, So I got up & made a list of all the abusive behaviour.Now if I have a moment of weakness, I get that list out & read it.

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