Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Talking about the shame

by Anon

I tried so many times to end the relationship, and didn't make it because he threatened to commit suicide.I couldn't talk to people about my problems because I was afraid that once the truth came out people would be watching me, and I would fail to get out of the relationship again, like so many times before. It would be double shame, living with a jerk, and to continue living with him while people knowing.

It turned out, that for me it was important to tell someone about my problems, not a best friend, but a distant friend.I had to change pattern, because the way I tried to get out before didn't work.

The way I continued to live was the way I got out. But now I talk to close friends. They didn't suspect that I was in such a bad relationship. People really cared about me, my boss, my family and friends, and my doctor.

And it helped to have sex with a nice guy! I don't know him at all, but it helped knowing there really are nice men to have sex with, feeling safe afterwards.

Good luck!

Comments for Talking about the shame

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 06, 2015
Leaving my abuser
by: Anonymous

I am in the process of leaving and I am scared. My kids are grown not quite 21 but in college and I have not been able to discuss my leaving becuz he has always been "the fun parent" and the one who never said no; even to things that weren't so good for them. Anyway I am currently off work & on disability due to surgery but I return to work at the end of next month & plan to transfer from the west coast to the east coast. Ive decided that starting over can't be worse than staying in misery. I dont know how my abuser is going to take this nor do I know what my kids reaction is going to be but I know I cant save them without saving myself. I am askin for ur prayers and warm wishes on this journey.f

Aug 29, 2015
Re Shame
by: Lindsey

Don't know whether you have noticed, but we have a new article on Hidden Hurt which deals in depth with the concept of Shame. It takes a bit of reading (and then re-reading!) but is jolly good.

Here is the link to it:

All the best,

Feb 28, 2015
There is more support for you out there
by: Lindsey from Hidden Hurt


Your situation sounds difficult. Threatening suicide is not uncommon, and some abusers do actually carry through with it, which does leave us with feelings of guilt. But that guilt or shame is misplaced, because we each are responsible for our own actions, not those of other people - including our abusers!

I get that you feel you cannot talk to people close to you and the situation, but most countries have a domestic violence and abuse hotline, which you can contact anonymously, just for support, to talk through the issues and for help in working out an escape plan, even if you don't actually leave at this stage.

Also, there is the Hidden Hurt forum, which you can also access anonymously, and the forum is very active with a host of survivors, current victims and even some professionals who can listen, support and give advice. Please do consider just looking through the forum and maybe then you will feel able to share some of your experiences and get some much needed support.

All the best,

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Tips on Surviving after Leaving.

Return to Hidden Hurt Home

Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

To order in the UK: It's My Life Now


Click on the donate botton below to support Hidden Hurt. Thanks you.

UK National Domestic Violence Freephone number 0808 2000 247



ADD TO YOUR SOCIAL BOOKMARKS: add to BlinkBlink add to Del.icio.usDel.icio.us add to DiggDigg
add to FurlFurl add to GoogleGoogle add to SimpySimpy add to SpurlSpurl Bookmark at TechnoratiTechnorati add to YahooY! MyWeb

Hidden Hurt Home | Hidden Hurt Sitemap | Contact Us

Copyright© 2002 - 2015 Hidden Hurt.
Return to top


Work From Home With SBI!