Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

'No Contact'...The only way to recover!

by Jax

Soon after my 20+ year marriage ended, I entered into a relationship with a younger man whom I'd known for a few years. He was attractive and very charismatic and had always come across as a lovely likeable caring man.

I recall he seemed to flit from girl to girl and never settle but he always made out that he wanted to. He had never married or had children.

The next 2 years was the most wonderful I had ever experienced even though I was going through a difficult divorce at the time. I had moved in with him after 6 months. He was loving, caring, attentive, thoughtful supportive and much more. I couldn't fault him and thought I was so lucky to have found someone so fabulous.

He made it clear that I was the one and that he wanted us to stay together forever.

After 2 years he began to distance himself from me for no apparent reason and became critical. He stopped talking about the future together. He ended the relationship and I eventually I moved out. I was absolutely mortified.

This is the point were I should have walked away as it was just the start of it ... .

Over the next 2 years he continued to contact and see me fairly regularly acting as the loyal friend. He always seemed to want to know what I was up to and who I was seeing.
He told me often that he had made a mistake and that he wanted me back which I went along with.

A few months later he would end the relationship by telling me that he needed to meet someone that would blow him away! Hold on ... didn't he just whisk me away for the weekend, tell me how special I was to him and act like he never wanted to let me go!!!

Each time I'd be left more devastated than the last. During this time I would see him with different women and he would contact me to apologise telling me that they meant nothing as it was just sex and that he still loved me.

As a strong independent woman I will never know how I got sucked into all this or how
I tolerated this disgraceful behaviour. I was so blinded by love that I thought that we were meant to be together and was convinced that he would realise this and it would all come right in the end.

What I didn't realise is the lasting damage this selfish narcissistic man was causing to my self esteem and general well being.

Eventually I began to realise that this man who had caused me so much hurt and pain was never going to be able to make me happy like he once did so I made it clear he was not to contact me again and that as he had treated me so badly I would never again consider him a friend. He sobbed and said he was devastated. I was even more confused at this!

He did contact me by text several times after this which I ignored and eventually he stopped trying to contact me.

Even though this was extremely hard initially it got easier over time. I lost a few stone, was depressed and felt completely worthless for a long time but it was my only option on the road to recovery, I just wished I had done it 2 years earlier.

For the first time I was in control and it felt good.

This man used and manipulated me for his own selfish reasons and had no concern for the negative impact he knew it was having on my health.

2 years have now passed with no contact and I can honestly say that this is the only way I got out of this mess and I am a lot stronger because of it. I am still anxious about bumping into him at times (we work in the same building) because of the way he makes me feel.

My life is filled with my family and friends nowadays and I am much happier in myself. But I really struggle with letting my barriers down romantically as I now doubt my judgement of men because of this experience. I am now dating and hoping to find a really special person.

'No Contact' is the only way forward after these destructive relationships - otherwise you will remain emotionally attached and unable to move on.

Onwards and upwards :-)

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

To order in the UK: It's My Life Now


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