Leave Him While You Are Still Strong
Please leave him while you are still strong enough. He will sap that last little bit of you, that resilience that you have lurking within you out over time and then one day you might find you have lost the strength to get up and leave.
Your story is very similar to mine, although you were luckier in the context that you finished your degree. I worked for the citizens advice bureau and was one last interview from passing for my qualification ... he didn't like it, was worried that I'd be more 'intelligent/clever' than him. Needless to say, I didn't make it to my interview, he made sure of that.
He took everything from my daughter and me: our home, our dignity, my friends even ...
I did what you did, pretended to them that he had changed and then felt I couldn't tell them about how awful it really was when we got back together again. But from the friends who fell by the wayside after I finally left him and tut-tutted me, I found butterflies, beautiful people who had been there in their cocoons, silently watching, waiting in the shadows, and they emerged when I needed them most ... and they're still here now💖!
You will find the strength, for your children and for yourself. You deserve better! Think of yourself and how you were before he came along: your values, how you thought your children's values and lives would be. Don't let him steal another moment from you. You can do it.
Yes, it is a long road, but the alternative may be your children visiting you on Mother's Day with flowers ... in the cemetery ... and your children repeating the pattern of 'this is how daddy's behave' x
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