It's hard to leave
by Another abuse victim
I know it's hard to leave. I'm in the same position as you are, but while I am still with him, I'm building myself up.
I'm currently at univeristy, attempting to change my life for the better. I've heightened my standards on the way I am to be treated by him!
It has been 2 months since he last abused me. In those 2 months, I have moved back to an area near my friends and family. I've told him unless he fixes all the horrible stuff he's said to his friends (who now hate me) he cannot hang about with them any more and be with me!
I have put my foot down now and I am behaving in a way where I will not tolerate his behaviour no longer!
Look at the long run: if you keep pandering round him now you always will be! You have to take the jump, put your foot down, as his behaviour will never change on its own!
I know he's going to go again soon but I've built me self esteem up enough so when the next time comes I can say 'enough is enough'. I have to (although it's bad) give him the silent treatment as it's the only way I can get through to him. There is no point in arguing he will never see that he is in the wrong and he will just twist it round and so that it gives him what he wants! He won't be able to keep his cool much longer!
To give you an example:
We went through the tension building stage a few weeks ago. I waited for the anvil to drop on my head but it didn't. I distanced myself from him.
None of my friends or family know we're together as he lives with my children and I and he has to hide away from the kids.
In all honesty the only way to win my situation is to join him and do it better than him sulk etc but it's not the type of relationship I want! I want to be best friends with my partner...
I've taken my time while with him to pull away. I've thrown myself into after school classes for the kids and hobbies so when he goes he will be barely missed!! I'm hoping in 2 months time I'll be strong enough to go.
It's not been easy but by building my own life up gradually - a life separate to him - I'm laying the foundation to leaving for good!
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