Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information



My husband gradually took control of our finances. It took years and very clever organisation. He hid bank letters and any other mail relating to financial matters.

Along with these things he restricted funds (spending them who knows where) to the point where I could not afford to continue with any hobbies that I enjoyed. I had to stop going out for anything I wanted and became Isolated apart from my work.

Last year I discovered he had used a credit card to pay a large amount of his boss's debt. I was devastated and confronted him with my parent's help. He had access to all of my accounts so I revoked that permission.

Over a 6 month period our relationship continued to break down to the point where I could no longer get out of bed.

One night, through the tears, I decided to check my accounts online. I discovered a frightening amount of debt and fraud on our joint accounts. Our payments to some basic things like electricity and gas had been stopped in order to cover these huge loans taken out in my name. When I confronted him about all of this he denied having done anything wrong. He refused to leave the marital home and the emotional abuse intensified. A week later I managed to persuade him to leave.

8 months since I discovered the last of this and he has only just been charged. He continues to make my life a misery - we have 3 young children which means I have to see him regularly; and he refuses to allow me to sell the house. He is receiving legal aid and I am paying out thousands in solicitors fees.

This has all been very difficult to prove. I know the case against him is very strong, but I worry every day that when it eventually goes to court he manages to get out of it.

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Oct 05, 2015
Don't give up
by: Anonymous

I am in a situation much like yours where my husband has hid assets! We had a house abroad and I found out that he had behind my back given this to his mother. He has taken thousands from me.

Now we are divorcing - not over this as I have only just found this out - but because of him abusing me mentally and physically. He had laughed at the fact: he will get away with his lies, his mother supports him and the reality is that I probably won't get a share of this because it's overseas, but our home in the UK should be mine, that seems unlikely as I can't prove his mother is holding this house.

What I want to say to you is whatever they decide you can't do much; about all you can do is move on from him and find true happiness. He will never change ever and he does not care who he hurts, all you can do is walk away after the courts decide what is fair - it is difficult for anyone to be so deceived and hurt ... trust me after 25 years of spending my life hurt, trying to save my marriage, the thing I learned was that there was nothing to save as a marriage is joint and ours was not.

I don't offer you much help, but I offer you this:

YOU are worthy of so much more than him and whatever happens you will make it through. Try the internet ... I did most of my divorce on my own and my ex was a living nightmare .

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

To order in the UK: It's My Life Now


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