Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Finally... NO CONTACT

by Kay
(San Diego)

Enjoy the silence of no contact

Enjoy the silence of no contact

Abused off and on for 9 years. Discarded/devalued more times than I could count. He always hoovered me back in. THIS time ... I'd had enough. His devaluation was vile - how could anyone say such ugly, hurtful things to a woman they claimed to LOVE? That wasn't love. That was ABUSE - power/control.

Finally No Contact ( I am still in this phase - a little over 2 weeks). The No Contact has sent him into a frenzy: Delusional thoughts - emails - accusations - sweet invitations to "talk" - phone calls ranging from threats to bait about wanting his garage door opener back. Tried and true insanity.

The power I feel from finally going no contact is unbelievable. I have taken control and he can go on to live his shallow, nasty, empty little "life" -- a black hole that will never get filled up. I saw the red flags early on and ignored them, just like so many others. I take partial blame here - but the abuser is HIM, and the blame for the abusive behaviour lies very much in his court and his his responsibility.

No contact is the ultimate "revenge". The abuser is losing control and this is something they - all abusers - avoid at all costs. They will try EVERYTHING to get you back (the pity party and the guilt tripping, the 'can't live without you lark, the you are killing me song, the sweet talking, the angry outburst and the threats, followed by the trashing you to anyone who wishes to hear. Don't fall for it - it is all just a pattern when they realise they are losing control.

Stay strong - and know you deserve a happy life - one that you will NEVER get with a narc.

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

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