Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information

Emotionally Detaching from the Abuser

by Cher
(Denver, CO)

I began emotionally detaching from the abuser while I was still with him.

He pulls away which becomes abusive in itself. Leaves you cold naked and lying on the floor alone. When you mention it, you're crazy.

I began emotionally detaching from the abuser by becoming busy in rebuilding my life - if only in my head.

But when I finally left I was ready. I was done with all the hurt, lies, cheating, mind games ... . I was ready for that next BIG step which was walking out the door and into my new life!

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Mar 07, 2015
completely get this..
by: Sally

I so get where you're coming from, never really thought about that part of it, but in all honesty I knew for 2 years I wanted out and had done exactly the same over those 2 years as you: I completely distanced myself emotionally to the point that nothing he did affected me any more.

And by the time I escaped I felt absolutely nothing for him any more, I mean completely nothing - not love or hate. I had completely moved on in my mind and no attempts he made worked. I had shut him out and that killed him ... he desperately searched for some point of contact as he'd always done but got nowhere, and eventually said I just want you to acknowledge me, but I still didn't and never have or will again.

Over 4 years on now, you never forget or forgive but you live and you never really did before. Xxx

Mar 06, 2015
Well done for starting the process before leaving
by: Lindsey

A lot of victims of abuse leave before they have managed to even start to emotionally disengage from the abuser, which increases the likelihood of returning, often multiple times.

I remember years ago reading in a book that if I was not happy in my marriage, then I should just stop 'acting', ie responding emotionally, and should just watch my husband and listen to him and then think: do I really like this person? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him?

I think it was in Women Who Love Too Much, but I can't be sure.

Anyway, thanks for your contribution!

All the best in your new live - and let us know if there are any updates (you can do so simply by adding a comment to your own page!)

Lindsey from Hidden Hurt

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Life after getting out of an abusive relationship often continues to be a struggle, and It's My Life Now offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss and guilt to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, this book continues to offer invaluable lessons and be a real source of help and strength:

To order in the US: It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

To order in the UK: It's My Life Now


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