Domestic Violence Poems 3

Hurt No More

The lights go out and I lay down,
Another night without you around,
You left me here sad and alone,
Just went right out, didn't come home.

I sat, I waited, I did not sleep,
I watched the clock, I counted sheep.
The hours past and there I lay,
I watched the night turn into day.

And if I dare to fuss or complain,
Your anger fuelled by grape or grain,
There is a heavier price to pay,
So quietly again I'll hide away.

Oh please, just see what you have done
Your heavy hands and your vicious tongue.
This time you couldn't talk me round
I ran away never to be found

Years have past and still I fear,
Nightmares still make me shed a tear
But now as I wake late at night
My body shaking from the fright,

The memories still vivid and real,
The cuts and bruises I still feel
I can reach out and know I'm safe
She'll stroke my hair and kiss my face

Her hands don't hurt but only hold
Her Arms that take away the cold
All her energy used for loving
Not for pushing or for shoving.

For now a woman shares my life
We want to be each others wife,
You broke my body and my mind,
But because of her my soul survived.

The Circus

I joined the circus one day

jumped at the chance to chase the butterfly,
the dream, and the scheme.

Juggling this and that,
pulling a flower out of my hat

holding the hand,
of a shape shifter,
feeling like peter pan.

Stay young forever,
jump in the ocean,
don't be scared of the fire

eyes glassing over,
wondering, wondering, wondering.

Retreating, far or near, gone?
Maybe here ...

Their questioning eyes, accusing lies,
filling a plate full of tries

handing out for free,
everything you would think you need.

Foreign water falls down the face,
foreign doubts trace,
or retrace
crawling through this crazy race.

Muddling, fuddling, cuddling?
Those can be words
when your ears turn blue

screaming, screaming, screaming,
it's no use,
no one hears you.

I'm alive, is it true?
Left alone,
grew, grew, grew

love backwards almost spells evil,
I wonder why you loved to see me cry.

Oh, dear, look where you steer,
wishing to die?
Don't even try.

The truth inside makes me wish I had told the lie.

For my unborn son

What is this ache, this pain within
that cuts and twists inside?
That hurts so bad it seems too much
and shadows cover light.

Where is peace, where is safety
i know it isn't here
i've searched and tried but to no avail
what is there left to do

the life inside no longer left
happiness long ago gone
the existance i live is all i have
there has to be more than this

The pain the hate the fear
slowly taking it's hold
i have to get out i have to run free
but to where to who and how?

so young and naive i didn't see
i set myself the trap
there is some stength deep inside
to use it i must be brave

will i fail, will i succeed
in escaping this dire life
no one knows, no one can tell
i'ts a risk i have to take

the dreams i had all burnt and crushed
no future can i see
so now's the time to stand up tall
and do what i need to do

flee his wrath flee his anger
get my old life back
it won't take much, just be strong and brave
but can i manage that?

i have his son inside me now
and for him i must do this
not right for a child to go through this
it's not what he deserves

so come on strength, go away doubts
one action it will take
just keep walking don't look back
i'm free at last i'm free.

Through the eyes of my abuser

How can I keep control
when slowly she is getting stronger
and I'm losing it day by day.

If I let her be who she is
then I know I will lose her
and she will not stay.

As much as I feel I can let go
I never really can.

Got to show her I'm in control
got to show the world I'm the man!

To be a bully is what I do best
five years to master to perfection
all ready put my skill to the test.

Black eyes galore,
knocking her to the floor
but she will come back for more
that I know for sure!

Perfection is complete
she will fall at my feet,
no more work to be done
I'm obviously number one.

For she has lost everything
all she has needs and wants is me.

I wind her up as if I have a key
twisting it and turning it
making her think she is going mad,
making her question herself
is she the one who is bad?

If I'm honest
I don't like myself
that's why I'm fucking up my health.

Have no regard for mine or anyone else's life.
Have to stop writing
having withdrawal symptoms
from my knife.

Feeling pain from the knife
seeing blood on my arms
gives me a sense of self control
suddenly I'm calm.

I think ill carry on being a cunt to her
because I refuse to change my ways
and act how she would prefer.

Upping the game,
throwing the blame
turned her into my mug
what a crying shame!

I have everything to gain
I will watch my life pour down the drain
and she is coming with me.
Being resilient is not something she does well.

C*nt is not my name

I have a choice.

I can believe you,
what you tell me I am
and how if I'd "just do this"
everything would be okay.

That I'm selfish,
and I hang out with "man haters".

That the children, yes the children,
will be forbidden to go to Church with me.

That I'm a hypocrite.
"Feed me, F*ck me, and be nice to me",
those were your requirements
if I wanted you to be kind to me.

Or I can muster up the courage to tell you this:

I will no longer negotiate with terrorists,
and C*nt is not my name.

Stay With Me

No need to hurry or rush or run,
Just role me over, scratch my tum,
Come sit with me, while away thine hours,
In quiet contemplation 'neath tree and flower,

Come stay with me and stroke my fur,
Let me sooth thy worries, sooth thy cares,
I'll purr for you and with liquid eyes,
Help you answer those important where's and whys,

I'll give you my love, my soul, my heart,
If today you stay, pray don't part.
For these days I spend in idle rest,
For me to share with you makes them best,

Curled up and warm upon your lap,
Or stretched in sunbeams to quietly nap,
For you I'll sing in the dead of night,
Loud and wailing for your fright,

I'll bring you the labours of my catch,
And wait expectantly for you to snatch,
If you cry or if you're down,
Just come to me, I'll stay around,

To ease your sorrow with cuddles and purrs,
I'll let you weep into my fur,
And when thy sorrow is well spent,
And exhaustion has, to you lent,
A fitful sleep of restless tire,
I'll snuggle close your fears to quiet.

Comment from the author:

I wrote this not long ago... It's been a few years since I was thrown onto the street by my ex for overdosing to get away from him. All I was given to take away was my darling cat (he was frighteningly jealous of our bond). Many times over the years she has been the only reason I have carried on ... because she is mine. My baby, my angel, my best friend and my rock. If I'm not here for her then no one will be. She makes me feel loved when I feel helpless and crushed.

I had a panic attack ... so I did the only thing I could ... I reached out to my cat with pen and paper. Even when she isn't by my side she still saves me from the darkness that's swallowed my soul.

Distant

Feeling distant,
washed away,
rising doubts,
there is no sky.

Dying, dying, dying.

Wander the world,
half alive,
reach and reach,
scream without sound.

Break my world down.
Break my world down.
Break my world down.

I'm alone now,
so alone.

You wonder,
and I wander,
you scream,
and I cry,
you beg to know why

.But you do know,
well aren't you sly?
So fall to pieces
and act so hurt,

Show the world
what you want them to see
show them your all alone
because of me.

Watch me stand,
don't touch my hand,
I know the truth.
And that's all I need.

Becoming his dream girl

When the Internet came around
Dirty stories he found and found
Fed his fetish dreams it seems
He printed stuff off in reams and reams

Crazy and inane to me
I, forced to read, then to be
Domination was his game
Me in heels, 'slave' his name

When he wanted more and more
Thoughts of walking out the door
Were more than I could clearly bear
So I found more stuff that I could wear

When I became his fantasy of ...
I basked warmly in his love
When I wanted loving sex
I suffered greatly, then what next?

I tried to please, to meet his needs
My desires, he paid no heed
I became the game he wanted to play
For which he was willing to pay each day

I played the madam he loved so much
Black lace and leather he loved to touch
It didn't matter I drank and smoked
To get through the game

Fool

I am numb in the aftermath of your destruction
How did that happen I ask myself the same question
My body aches with marks of your infliction
Was that the deepness of your Iove I question

Was I too loud again?
Was I too bold again?
Was I moaning again?
Was I wrong again?
Was It me again?
No ... this time I tried to fight you back
But like always you win again

Those pains on the outside will heal
The scars you left inside my heart you have sealed
With every movement I feel the pain
With it a reminder of my unfortunate fate again

Where were you to protect me?
Where were your arms to hold me?
Where was my husband who made those vows to me?
Where was your love to cherish me?
Why when you can't love did you pretend again?
Dragged kicked and tormented I was there again.

No more I will allow you to hurt me
No love you hold will provide me with security
No love of yours could protect me
That is the reality I face within me.

Your lies kept your demon hidden
No remorse, no sorry, no shame no apology, the hurt just deepens
Only the anger the demon in my husband's eyes
For that is the real love he holds for me inside

Slowly you took it all and destroyed the man I thought I'd know
And after marriage the demon in you started to show
You prayed in god's house to forgive your sins
And pleaded for his mercy and promised me you'd never do it again
Yet they were the lies to reel me in
Well done you made a fool of me and a victim again

I gave you everything I had, my heart, my home, my love to you
A platform for you to grow your soul, success and a home
I was everything you said you always prayed and wanted
But like with everything, you took my love for granted

In time it will become real
And like the aches my spirit will heal
But the biggest loss lies for you
As now you've lost the love I no longer feel.

Why I spoke out

I spoke up
because I finally realised
while you was free
I would never be

it sounds selfish
that I choose my freedom over yours
but our kids needed my freedom
more then they needed yours

The prison sentence I was serving was not just
whereas yours ... it's a must

The things that you done to me
still keep me awake at night ,
I am stronger now I know
that they weren't right

All I wish now
is that you curb the demons in your head
and hope that one day
I will be able to sleep peacefully again in my bed.

TO MY HUSBAND - LOVE HURTS

Why won't you love me?
How is it you can't see?
My heart keeps breaking
My soul never stops aching

Why must you make your wife a whore?
Fighting off your requests is a constant chore
Why do you want me touching other men?
If it weren't for my 3 babies, my life I would end

The garage door opens and my stomach aches
For you are home and the horror you make
Is the worst pain I have ever known
'Please stop, please stop,' I moan

Little by little I lose me
Until one day I can no longer see
Who am I? How did I get here?
In my home it is my husband I fear

I no longer cry, why should I?
For no one hears me as I scream to the sky
I no longer feel any emotions at all
Please dear God 'help me' I call

I am empty, I am dead inside
This nightmare is such a frightening ride
'I love you Mary' is all I wanted you to tell
But instead I am on a train to hell

You wake me up in the middle of the night
To call some guy you picked up on an Internet site
I have phone sex as you listen in
I hate every second of it but I can't win

Cause when I don't do as you say
Your anger is quick and torpedoed my way
My spirit is so broken, surely you see?
But it is always about you, never me

'Take off your panties and expose yourself'
To the young bartender removing booze from a shelf
'I can't, I don't want to' I beg
Tonight I dodge a bullet, but know I will pay
When we get back home, dare I say

As your wife I want to please you
But what you ask of me I just can't do
'Don't tell anyone our little secret' you say
'All husbands want their wives to behave this way'

Dignity and respect is all that I long for
But the emotional and mental pain cuts to my core
I live for little crumbs of affection thrown my way
But instead I feel pain and agony almost each day
Power and control are an abuser's tools they say
Why is it I don't stand up for myself, instead I stay

So broken down
My voice completely gone
No fight left in me
For an abuser, a perfect place for you to be

Why do you treat me this horrible way?
If only I was a better wife would you say?
'Sweetheart I love you, let me hold you tight
Allow me to hug you and make everything right'

Even though you never hit
You are very twisted and sick
To the outside world you are a great guy
If only they knew it was all a lie

Your drug of choice is control
Little do you care it is taking a toll
I have become someone I do not know
How did this happen, where did I go?
My heart is demolished, my self-worth gone
So many days I wonder if I can go on

If only I saw on the very first date
Your heart and soul was so full of hate
But this has nothing to do with me
It is you who is sick if only I could see

I am broken
I am lonely
I am empty
I am gone
I am nobody
I hate myself
I want to laugh again
I want to love again
I want to be free again
I want to be me again

Dear God, free me from this pain
Make it go away like you do the rain
I know you will lift me up when the time is right
And until then I will love my babies and hold on tight

Poison

The love for my children triggered the fear that made my head pain with worry
My stomach quivers, I can't see, everything is so blurry
The bloodshot eyes, cries out with danger
I want to tell, but it's too hard to yell
I became dizzy, as if it was I
I'm am afraid, afraid to die
The thought of my children, left alone, makes me cry
The worst part is I can't say goodbye
I can't wipe their tears because, I'm not here
Someone love them, please, keep them safe and near
For I was their solider, but now it's too late
The chance has gone to change my fate
I should have stopped it, but it grabbed me like bait
If I knew then, what I know now
My children would surely, be safe and sound
It's that poison he drank, the one who claimed to love me, you see
It is he, it is he; I want you to know,
I am here; I am here, from the grave below
Please someone hear me, I can't see a glow, it is dark and scary
I am faint and still weary
Please set me free, it is he; it is he, my husband who struck me.
Someone will hear me that I know
My children, my children, they will know!

Remember That Day

Remember that day, I was graduating highschool,
It was supposed to be a night to remember.

Sorry, to want to be remembered.

Heading to my senior after party,
drunken as you were,
Did you realize i was slipping away?
Growing up?
Leaving you in your misery?
Did it make you remember your failures?

Whatever the reason,
there we were, outside with my friends,
who off course you hated.
Screamed across the parking lot,
Slut.
Whore.
Fucking Bitch.
Ana is a bitch, did you know that xxxxx?

My friend staring.
Ashamed and embarrassed i went back to your car,
on to the mistake that would be the night.
PR expert, you told everyone we would be back in a bit,
yet we drove till morning.

Hitting me,
Screaming at me.
Why are you such a fucking slut wanting to hang out with those people,
you know what they think of you ...

I thought about this, you were right or so it seemed,
no one cared about me ...

You told me I made this happen,
if I would have been nice and included you and not forgotten you throughout the night,
I saw you were a victim of your own chaos,
I hugged you.
It's not your fault.

Bit me.
Squeezed me.
Pushed me.
Smashed my head against your car window.
Pounded my back till I lost all air.

I must be a horrible human being if this is what i deserve, he's right.

I called a friend for help but you took away my phone.
You then made me call him back and pretend I was ok and just wanted to see if I could still go to the party...
If they were still at moods,
I hate that I can lie so well,
not a crack in my voice.

You eventually calmed down,
said you were sorry
BUT if I wouldn't be like this
you wouldn't have to...

You then asked me to go somewhere with you,
you said not to get you upset again.
To let you make up for what you did.

So I did,
Intimacy with the oppressing shadow.
I hugged you like a baby that just bit his own finger,
Poor you,
If I felt bad, imagine how you felt?

It was aroung 9 am when you dropped me off at home,
I got out the car and stood at my door,
My backless dress making my bruises visible.

All you had to say,
I'm so extremely sorry,
you have stuff on your back,
Make sure your mom doesn't see them.

RAW POEM

Feel like I want to die
but couldn't even try
to end my world, just bend it,
in swirls of smoke,
and floating,
twisted dreams.
I'm undone at the seams;
full of silent screams.
But nobody hears
my crippling fears.
To me this is normality:
blocking out reality.
But one thing I know:
time doesn't move slow.
I lose it like sand through hour-glass:
Wasted years, decades, fall fast
by the way-side.
Have to decide:
if not now, when?
to try to unbend my world,
stop the swirls; believe for a sign
that things can align.
That serenity is possible?
Strong powerful me
can unlock frozen me.
Traumatised me
can unfreeze,
find the beat:
the anxiety rhythm
inside my prison.
Seize one chance
to begin to dance:
Fears are shaking.
Tears are swaying.
Pain is rocking.
Rage is standing.
Bones are dancing.
Soul vomits words
about the absurd,
secret world
of abuse.
Let's make a truce:
Secrets no more,
of that I am sure.
Begin to make sense
of a nonsense:
Paint it out.
Play it out.
Sing it out
Talk it out
Swear it out.
Dance it out
Mime it out
Shout it out.
Stamp it out.
All the pain has a voice.
Now I have a choice.
Today I will decide
to try
to embrace
the child inside,
with arms open wide:
to breathe,
to live,
to be
creatively powerful.
Me.

AGAIN

Again I look terrible
Again I feel undone
Again my head aches
Again I've drunk too much
Underscoring his damage myself,
Joining in with him,
Hating myself for going back
For more again,
Again it goes on.

Aching now with an overdose
Of fight or flight.
Neither fighting
Nor fleeing,
Just stuck,
Just giving in.
Too unable to do that thing
They, those that try to help, say:
"Move on."

I catch myself short
With his expressions
Borrowed and sprouting
With a life of their own
On my face.

And then I remember
Not to smile to myself.
It is not a good thing
But a painful reminder
Of a helpless returning, again.

HERE AGAIN

Black as night,
my heart dark because of you.

I trusted you, you made your way in again,
built up pretty little castles just to tear them down again.
Damn, how could I be such a fool,
I swore to myself that I'd never let you break me again.

How could you show so much love to him,
but you treated me like a filthy rag,
I'm the one that's legit, not him.

I was here through it all,
though the struggles,
the prayers,
the fights,
the pain.

The blood and tears,
the sleepless nights.
Fists drawn,
black and blue,
as the dark night,
so my world was because of you.

I cry for my youth,
cry for my weakness.
It was you I was running from when I fell into that hole.
It was you, in your image, he treated me like dirt.

I can't bare it,
I won't bare it,
I can't imaging prince charming ever existed.
Does he even exist?

Gone are the fairy tales of my childhood,
they didn't even survive my youth.
Why is your heart there,
Why is it not here with me, with us?

About the author:

This poem was written by a young woman, who witnessed DVA as a child, and now struggles to come to grips with the fact that her father continues to disappoint her.

A BEAUTIFUL GHOST

The world becomes silent
as they watch her stroll by.
With that single glance
it's as if she fell from the sky.

But there's something about
that dim glow in her eye.
Her collected exterior
is clearly a lie.

Why does this woman
hide so far inside?
Why instead of reach out
does she silently cry?

For you've shown your promises
to help her are also a lie.
And that instead of taking a stand,
you'd rather let her die.

And at the hands of the one
she loves the most,
she'll soon become
a beautiful ghost

Because of judgment,
because of blame,
because of you,
she'll soon be slain.

~ Kara O'Neil, RealityofDV.com

In houses where the mother is abused, there is a 5 fold increase in the likelihood of the children also being abused directly.

Confessions of a lonely child

I’ve never felt so alone,
Trapped in a corner even in this place called home,
Being beaten and left feeling as if i am about to die,
Putting my clothes back on as he watches me cry,

The cold air rushing over my recently cleaned wounds,

Did he soothe my body because he cares, now I’m feeling confused,

Then i find out the real reason, he’s just covering his traces,

Because now he is touching me in certain places,

Whispering “This is our secret no one has to know”

“It’s your fault I’m doing this so you best not let it show”

Feeling the only option is to end all this,

Grabbing a knife and this would all be it,

Constantly trying to battle the pain left by my father’s infliction,

Desperately blocking out the memory wishing this account was just fiction,

Bring brought up in a surrounding full of yelling, beating and shouting,

Situations end in violence because father can’t stop his insecurities or doubting,

I crawl into a corner while the tears stream down my face,
I’m so afraid, when will this end?
Someone take me away from this place,

But instead I’m being dragged from he bedroom to the cold floor,
Stopping ... as he smashes my head between the wooden frame and the door,

… Daddy please stop!! why are you doing this,

Mommy, please help me, why are you just watching this?…

~ A Child Abuse Victim

My mother and her sister: my Auntie, were victims and they both have gone on to lead successful and happy lives, i have always felt my soul absorbed some of my mother's traumas from her life, because i have always been passionate but immensely saddened by domestic violence/child abuse, i think it is despicable and needs to stop, But i wrote this poem and came across your website, So i thought i would share.

Beyond the Gas Light

By Taylor Catesby

I thought nothing of the things he said,
I blocked them from my mind.
But if a recollection slipped,
I knew he'd not be kind.

His finger pointed right at me,
As he'd assign the blame.
He said all he could to make me cry
While he would scream my name.

It was never him, but always me,
A compelling case he made.

When his words struck me like pendulums,

My hope began to fade.

Sometimes I couldn't listen;
What he said just wasn't true,
But I thought I couldn't leave him
Until I was black and blue.

But if you had peered inside my mind,
You would have seen it battered,
So I finally escaped a life

Where my heartache never mattered.

I left my puppet master
And I leapt out from my cage.
I ran out towards my freedom--
To a life without his rage.

Now my mind is slowly healing
While my eyes begin to dry.
Although my wings are broken,
I am learning how to fly.