Domestic Violence Poems 2

Because I can

To my Husband

Why did you hurt me?

When you promised to love me!

What did I do to deserve the pain you gave me?

You promised to honor and cherish me!

Every punch, kick was like a stone shattering glass

Chips of my love for you, falling away with every strike!

You said you did it "because you could"

Why didn't we have a normal relationship?

Rather than you controlling me all the time

I gave you my all, my everything

In return you would slap, punch, kick, rape or threaten to kill me!

Why? I asked you?

You said "Because you Could"

You would say "It was all my fault"

I annoyed you therefore I should take the consequences

Why did you do that

"Because you could"

You held a knife to my throat and laugh

Why? Because you could

You would rape and bugger me

Why? Because you could

You would call me a whore, bitch, liar and fat

This isn't love!

Why did I stay so long?

Because you controlled my every move

I fled from you in fear of you,

I thought I couldn't cope without you

I was so wrong but to start with

I had no home, no where to go, no money, no clothes, nothing

All I had was 5 cigarettes and the clothes on my back

I was scared of you and didn't know what to do

Then I met people who helped me greatly

They believed in me and gave me some confidence

I can't thank them enough for my giving me life again

Women's Aid, Lawyer, Police, Housing Support

lots of other kind people

I now have a future to look forward too

I now have a home, a little money, some clothes and HOPE

A better life, a life without fear or intimidation

No more walking on egg shells

Or awaiting the next beating or rape

I will never forget you but all for the wrong reasons

you left me with scars – emotional and physical

I now have complete control of my life

I can only thank the people who have helped me

Without them I would not be here

I would be six feet under

I WILL NEVER BE WITH YOU AGAIN! WHY BECAUSE I HAVE THE POWER NOW!
WHY?
BECAUSE I CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone listen to me please

It's taken me all this time
To find the courage to climb
The mountain of recovery
After my discovery
Of domestic abuse issues
And now, through the tissues,
I wonder why I suffered
In silence, for so long.

But why do people stare
In disbelief, and ask where
Did it all start, and when,
As I explain and whiten
Events by giving reasons,
Through the long seasons.
And if I dare to blacken
His street angel cred
By telling all,

I'm as good as dead.

Street angel, house devil,
How you in feigned hurt revel,
In sheer denial of every act.
So the police want every fact
But without a witness
Truth cannot be proved.

If you come back
I'm as good as dead.
I'm scared
I'm crying
I'm slowly dying ~
But that's what he wants,
Having tried to kill the spirit in me
And killed any life fulfilment of mine.

I've been a slave
And now find I have nothing,
No support, only gawpers.
As Mother said,
"You have to get on with it."
But how ? I cannot go on this way,
Every night, every day,
Being manipulated, being squashed.

I considered joining the Sally Army,
Going to Africa with V.S.O.,
Joining a convent
Or starving to death,
Just to escape this nightmare.

But what about my children ?
They cannot be taken away from me.
They are all I have got.
He'll say I'm mad and have me sectioned,
When it is him who is drunk and violent
And needs to be locked up.

There's no witness
Behind closed doors.

Will they let him back
And wait for me to be rushed to A&E ?
Do I have to be half killed
Before they listen to me ?

But all he says
Is "I didn't do it",
Or "I can't remember."
So he'll do it again
And again
And again

Till I die

And he can get hold of my money
For his booze,
And drink himself to death.

Cesca M. Croft, October 2009

Broken

Each day I'd cry
I wanted to die
Broken

For me it was plain
I couldn't live with the shame
Broken

How you did gloat
With your hands round my throat
Broken

And with a twist
You put the knife to my wrist
Broken

Forced in bed
Fuck up and take it you said
Broken

My child filled with fear
With that drunken leer
Broken

You watched her undress
Onto her friend you did press
Broken

We left you bruised
Frightened and confused
Broken

My mind started to fester
When you had sex with your sister
Broken

In the wounds you rubbed salt
You said it was my fault
Broken

I had rejected
Blaming me you had perfected
Broken

So much pain
Never to be the same
Just broken

Wedding Night

My wedding night,
What a fright.
All he wanted to do was fight.

"I'm not in love with you," he said.
Last thing I want to do
Is take you to bed.

"I'd divorce you now
But it's too soon.
I'll just keep you around
And make you swoon.

"I'll pull out your fingernails
And chop off your big toe.
No one will ever know.
And if you say otherwise
I'll tell everyone
You're full of lies.

"They'll believe me
For it's plain to see
That you're the crazy
Here, not me.

"Still I'm stuck.
My fault for being a sitting duck
For a witch like you
Whose evil charms
Lured me into her smelly arms.

"In this marriage I'll never stay.
I'll wait a year or two
That's what I'll do.

"No, I'll need more time than that.
First you'll have some brats.
Then after that
I'll slowly grind you to the ground
Until one day you're no longer around.

"I'll keep the all the money for me
And take away your keys.
Then lock you in the house
Where you'll creep like a mouse
Scared to death of me.

"Yes, yes that's how it'll be.
How clever of me!

"I feel better now
Because I have something to look forward to
... Torturing you.
Hah! Maybe I should start right now.
How about I set fire to your hair?
That pretty hair that makes men stare.

"You slut! You strumpet!
I'm not your puppet.
I'm your master.
You're my slave.
And you'll rue the day
You seduced me with your lies.

"I'm going to bed now.
But I need a drink or
I won't sleep a wink
Wondering what you'll do
While I'm asleep.
Will you kill me
Or will you just go insane?

"How about a headline like this:
'Bride loses mind.
Commits suicide
On wedding night.'

"Think about it.
It might be better than me
Murdering you, which, of course,
I'd never do.

"So goodnight, my sweet.
I'm going to sleep.
I better not hear a peep
Out of you.
If you wake me up
No telling what I'll do.
Maybe I'll cut
Your clit in two.
Ha! Ha! Ha!"

I ran into the bathroom
And locked the door
And spent the night
On the cold bathroom floor.

The next morning
He apologized so tenderly
I almost believed
He hadn't meant
What he had said to me.

It was the stress of the wedding
Said he,
"You ruined my wedding day.
So I had to make you pay.
But darling dear
Be of good cheer
I didn't mean those things
I said last night.

"Come on, honey bunny,
Open the door.
Come on, you can't be
That scared of me."

I didn't know what to do.
If I opened the door
Who knew what gore
He had in store.
But neither could I stay in a bathroom
Forevermore.

Yet when I tried to move towards the door
My feet felt glued to the floor.
So sure was I
That I was going to die
I prayed to God to forgive my sins
For this battle with this man
I could never win.

Then he threatened to kick in the door
And bash my head against the toilet bowl.

Maybe if I opened the door and
Smiled at him for a while
When he turned his back
I could grab my purse and flee.

"Don't try to get away," he said with glee.
"I locked everything in your suitcase
And I have the key.
Now sit down and talk with me."

I sat, but my mouth couldn't move.
So it was he who talked for a long time
About how our marriage would be so divine
And he promised repeatedly
To never again be mean to me.

I didn't believe him.
But where could I go?
I was only eighteen years old.
I had no money.
I had no car.
And without any clothes
I couldn't go far.

The next few weeks
He wooed me with wine and song.
I took heart
Maybe nothing was really wrong.
Maybe the wedding night
Was just an apparition.

Little did I know
It would become an almost permanent condition.

God Told Me To Punish You

I have refined you in the furnace of affliction. Isa. 48:10

"God told me to punish you for all the bad things you do."

His face was so red I wished I was dead. Then he called our son a "retard" then twisted his arm.

"Stop loving your Mommy. You can only love me.
See those purple bruises on her arm, she does that to herself when you're not around.
Let's leave her alone to moan and groan and pray.
She rather pray to her stupid God than play with you.
Hey, that deserves another beating, wouldn't you say?"

"And while we're gone today, Mommy, read this Christian tract.
That Saint Paul, he knew where it was at.
'Wives submit to your husbands.' 'A husband's wrath is the chastisement of the Lord.'
It says it right here. Read it yourself, my darling dear."

Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:8

"Accept your cross with grace. Fall upon your face.
Ask God to forgive you," the preacher said.
"Then get on your knees and beg your husband to forgive you too.
"That's what you should do if you want to him to act better towards you."
Others said the same thing too.

But counting my sins didn't help me win.
Yet I just kept counting my sins some more and kept on falling to the floor,
Begging Christ to rid me of my demons so I could be a good Christian wife.

The stories – too many to tell.
Like putting the baby in the tub, singing rub-a-dub-dub,
Letting the water run high, then locking the door.

"He's only three. If you have to hurt someone. Hurt me!"
"Shut up, you Christian slut.
Do as I say or you'll make me drown the child today.
Sign those papers on the kitchen table.
That way I'll be able to have all our loot when you finally fly the coop. "

As my son began to cry, I looked up to the sky hoping an angel might fly by.

"Hurry up, sign those papers, or I'll drown the kid and tell the cops you did it.
And when they come to take you,
I'll tell them to rape you 'till your vagina turns into blood.
I'll be there to watch.

"God's punishment my dear, but have no fear. Then you'll be pure.
'Rejoice in suffering.' 'Blessed are the weak.'
Isn't that what they teach in that Bible of yours,
Which, by the way, I've thrown away."

Yet I stayed, hoping if I prayed in just the right way he'd change.
But he only got worse.

But I am not the person for a job like that, Moses exclaimed.
Then God told him. Fear not, I will certainly be with you. Exod. 3: 11-12

"My daughter, it's time to flee. Staying in this marriage brings no honor to me."

"But, God, I'm too weak. Sometimes I can barely move or think.
I have no money and no one to turn to."

"I know you're weak," said He. "Just follow me. Follow me."

Into the car I ran, son in hand, with no idea where to go.
Friends from church with promises galore now shut their doors.
"Who knows what he might he do if he knew we were helping you?"

"Where are we going, Mommy?"

"I don't know."

"Then let's go home, Mama. I'm getting cold."

For a minute, I considered the idea. "No. God wants your mommy to be free."

I put my foot on the gas pedal and headed for the highway.

Life

I was stuck in a place of pain, torment and no end.
There was no way out, only a black hole without an end,
when was it my time to end, that's all I could think about
why was it me in this awful place, ruby red slippers I wish were in reach
I was harmed in a way I can never forget, fearing every day was the only thing in my way
your mind, your dignity completely destructed by someone you once trusted.
your words had no meaning in his eyes, all he ever did was make you cry.
my children were subjected to such Missouri I tried not to allow, but you've never heard him yell
once I left, that was the biggest mistake I made, it pissed him off in more ways, and I was always the blame
I tried to fight back, I never had a chance, his power was so strong, I was used to the attack
I've endured enough, I was strong this day, I took a knife and cut my way out...

No More - An Ode to Richard

No more reasoning with you
No more walking on egg shells
No more sitting on the edge of my seat
No more huddled in the corner apprehensively
No more sobbing my heart out
No more putting on a brave face
No more fearing what mood you were in
No more money (because you stole it all)
No more possessions (because you will not return them)
No more crying out for help in frightened whispers
No more of your family turning a blind eye
No more watching what I have to say
No more teasing me with your fists
No more of your plausible lies
No more presuming the Law would come to the rescue
No more threats
No more being at the receiving end of your substance abuse
No more feeling nauseous deep within my soul
No more my Best Friend (Were you ever?)
No more praying for your family to shake some sense into you
No more having my love squandered
No more mistreatment of my Mother's kindness and generosity
No more featuring last on your list of priorities
No more feigning fatherhood
No more robbing me blind, for did I not give, give and give?
No more trusting you
No more excuses
No more cruel mind games
No more exploitation of my painful past
No more playing on my vulnerabilities
No more vulgar accusations
No more clutching my pregnant bulge and praying for a miracle
No more hiding behind false smiles
No more intimidation
No more being stabbed in the back
No more my Newborn staring at her tear-stained Mother
No more bullying (aren't you brave picking on defenceless women!)
No more broken promises
No more being taken advantage of
No more forgiveness
No more fighting for 'our' family
No more pleas (only to fall on deaf ears)
No more listening to your deranged accusations
No more staring the enemy in the face
No more manipulation of all those around
No more unwarranted aggression
No more yielding to your crocodile tears
No more shock, regret, disbelief and anguish, beyond anyone's imagination...

No more Fear
No more Nightmares
No more Heartache
No more Tortured thoughts.............................................................one day.

Thank You

You wooed me with poetry
I bit on the hook
Had I only first read
The name of the book

I would have avoided
The very first page
For pages kept turning
Revealing the rage

The ups were a great high
The ride was a bash
But I rode with my eyes closed
To avoid seeing the crash

I knew it would come soon
But I never knew when
The rage and the leaving
And the path to the end

You had to control things
Determined you would
Emotionally destroying me
Every way that you could

Belittling my life
I did nothing your way
But how gently you showed me
That I was astray

You tore me to pieces
'Til tears I did cry
And then you would rescue me
"So sorry am I"

You did what you wanted
And stayed out all night
But dare I do question
Without starting a fight

You gave me your burdens
A gift of misery
You gave me your burdens
And then blamed them on me

I didn't deserve them
For I have no blame
Another attempt
To bring me to shame

The secrets I kept
So no one would know
"He is a GREAT guy"
I put on a show

The anger, the fighting
Was worth it you see
For the highs of your love
Were blinding to me

I cried and I pleaded
In retrospect
How sad to have yearned for
More abuse and neglect

I never did get it
How sorry was me
I never did get it
Until I was free

And yes, I still love you
Despite the hatred you spew
For some weak reason
I will always love you

When you look up Sid
The light that you see
So flitting and free now
That light is me

Thank you for leaving. It was the greatest gift that you have ever given me.

The Hands that made the Weapon

Magnificent strong an essence of armor,
his once loving hands now strive to harm her.

The house closes in getting smaller & smaller. It begins in an instant, his hands will alarm her.

As if it's a fitting desire for him,
he exudes entitlement at any given whim.

His hands are raised by his choice of course.
His pattern is clear as she now hears that voice.

What is the rhyme, what is the reason?
Is it reckless abandon sedition or treason?

Can she think through the panic?
Can she fight through fear?
His endeavor to harm her
is so very near.

He's quick and he's sure her neck's his allure as his goal is set into motion.

She tries to hang on as she can now see this danger that he calls devotion.

As no air goes in and none comes out
It's madness & horror as he slings her about.

She struggles, she fights it's the fight of her life, can't scream & can't breathe does she get a reprieve from the man who says she is MY wife?

She sees the sparks they fly in her eyes then darkness ascends like a thief in the night.

As she submits to her death her only request, is for Christ to be there beside her.

For her death begins right there in her home
did anyone know he'd not leave her alone?

For at work in her desk is a serious note.
One to convey to her friends and her folk.

The plight of the broken the battered and bruised
with nothing to gain and all to loose.

God forbid you prefer your hands as your weapon use them for love it's all your discretion.

How many nights and how many fights
How many missing or injured have died?

How many people with choice & aggression
Desire their hands be used for their weapon?

Of three of your friends it could be one or be two
As numbers compare it could even be you.

© COPYRIGHT 2010, Judy Bruton

Night and day

I lay awake as others sleep
For a moment I hold my breath
As for that moment I am not sure
What the darkness has in store
I wait in stillness just to be sure
It's not a night I've had before
For several years I had this fright
And that's why im not great at night
And when the pounding in my chest allows me to realise
There is nothing I now can hear
For lying next to me he is no more
But I still prefer the night to end
So I can see my beloved friend
As he sleeps beside me I feel all safe
My love I now know I can trust,
And for this I thank god im blessed
And know our angels look over us both
The morning comes I feel calm
For I know I have come to no harm
The years are passing and the daylight shines longer
For this I think proves my heart is stronger
And with this power I've been given I can assure
These things never happen again
Not just for me but for my kids
For they are my treasures I need to protect
So where I have failed in years gone by
I pledge I will do this till I die
With my partner by my side I know my life will only strive
So I thank the angels for lessons learnt
And the fate that brought me to Si
For now the brightness is starting to shine
I know that things of course will be fine
Each day is new and new memories are built
And with this I will lose my guilt
I will then know truly I have seen the last
Of the shadows of my past
The dark will no longer haunt me so ...
As I now know that god's love is true

Scarlet

She was so full of laughter and sunshine.
Enjoying the memories, the people, the adventures, they were all mine.
Life was difficult sometimes, but my faith in God always kept me strong.
I never knew, things and life could go so wrong.

With tears I looked you in the eyes,
My heart cried out to God, let this be a dream, let this not be real.
But he looked at me with such hate and listened to the lies,
That was being whispered in his ear.

How could you do this, how could you claim to love me,
How could you look me straight in the eyes, when committing this sin
And not feel a tear, a heartbeat, a whisper, not even a thing.
My tears rolled down inside my heart, it soon became like blood dripping out my heart. Slowly I felt life, flowing out of my body, soul and mind.
It left me with just a darkness surrounding me, God where are you?
Have you abandoned me?

I miss her deeply! I miss her laughs, her life, her tears, her innocence, her fears.
My heart aches for her, I pleaded and begged for her to come back, but no answer I would have loved to hear.
Maybe little by little, I can let her go. Maybe little by little it is time. What once was mine is not anymore. Your are gone for good, I hope that where ever you are, no one knows your name, no one knows your pain. Maybe when I let you free, you can fly and be truly free. So there you go, you’re gone for good ...