But He's My Husband
Hi my name is Lisa. I'm 40 years old and have been married for two years to my abuser.
I love my husband and I fear my husband.
I always wanted to be married, a husband to take care of, and have a good father my FOUR children. When I met my husband I was struggling to pay bills and find a good job. And I was introduced to him by a friend. In the town I lived, every woman wanted him because he was divorced, great job, big house, had a great family. I would have been lucky for him to look my way.
There were early signs of things being wrong, he'd say I should cut my hair, not wear makeup, less flashy clothes, etc. And I did it, to keep him. Then he would just pop up to see if I was home. I thought that showed love. Later out of nowhere he started cursing me out,telling me I wasn't good enough for him, calling me names.
He would call me as if he's home and would be in my driveway...Leave 20-30 texts when he was in one of his rages, that went from I love u To I hate you, you trick, butch, whore..etc.
Once we married, it got physical fast. Spitting on me, slapping me, punching, choking ... But he would always tell his friends that he hated men that hit women, and he would never do that. And I hated it and it made me sick to my stomach, to notice he liked watching father/daughter porn and movies with a lot of F' bombs and that centered around molesting and incest between the father and daughter.
I filed for restraining order twice and this time begged him to come back. I gotten dependent on the abuse, because at least I was still married. And that's really sick and vain. Even when I know he may kill me in the end.
I love my husband, but I have to be stronger than this, if not for me then for my kids. I found a house and because of God And people who truly care, we're moving out this week.