Who is the Victim?
Are some people more likely to be abused than others? Do some women
subconsciously seek out violent partners? Why do some people go
from one abusive relationship to another? Does abuse do lasting
damage emotionally? Can men be victims of abuse or is it only women
who are abused? Is there a way of spotting someone in an abusive
relationship? All these questions and many more confront us when
faced with the reality of abuse, whether we are personally in an
abusive relationship, or if someone close to us is.
In the following sections I am trying to look at the Myths
and Facts surrounding abuse, the effects of abuse in the
form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and some
of the Characteristics of Abused Persons . Often
when we are abused, we feel somehow responsible for it, guilty about
it, and dreadfully lonely in our pain and fear, which all make leaving
an abusive relationship harder. Why We Stay explains
briefly the most common reasons for staying with or returning to
an abusive partner. And For Friends and Family
offers practical advice to those concerned about and trying to help
an abuse victim. For Men is a page dealing with
the reality of abuse on men, with further related links. I hope
the information here helps.
Leaving is never an easy decision to make, nor an easy one to carry
out. But although there are hurdles to overcome, both emotional
and practical, it is possible to live without violence and abuse,
to rebuild your confidence and enjoy life to the full again.
Even once we have recognised the abuse and made the decision to
leave, there are still many hurdles to overcome. How do you actually
leave - safely? Do you tell him you are leaving, and if so, how?
How do you get through those initial few weeks or months? Where
can you go? What legal routes can you pursue to protect yourself
from further harassment or violence? What support organisations
exist and what can they offer? Do you need to acquire a divorce?
Are there any support organisations which can provide help or counselling
for the children? How do you help the children come to terms with
the changes?
These questions and many more often have to be faced when leaving
an abusive relationship, and the following pages will hopefully
help to explain, support and direct you towards further help and
resources.
For a comprehensive list of National and Regional helplines and
links to various support organisations, check out Resources.
Please also check out the Articles
on PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome) and Keeping Safe.
Poll: Is there a link between being abused
as a child and as an adult becoming involved in an abusive relationship?
Many people and some research seems to indicate that there is a
link between child abuse and adult experiences of domestic abuse,
whether as a victim of abuse or as a perpetrator. There are several
overlapping and interlinking theories on why such a link should
exist. One theory of why this pattern seems to occur is that children
growing up in unhealthy or disfunctional homes in which abuse or
severe neglect occurs learn unhealthy patterns of relating, and
therefore subconsciously chose a partner in later life who has equally
unhealthy patterns of relating. Another theory is that we chose
relationships in which we can continue to battle issues which have
been unresolved in our childhood, eg a child growing up with an
alcoholic emotionally unavailable father may chose a partner later
on in life who is equally emotionally unavailable, in order to continue
the daily battle for attention and emotional intimacy. Another theory
is that growing up in a home where abuse in some form is the norm,
we grow up feeling as though this is what a relationship is meant
to be; such homes tend to include instability, conflict, emotional
distance and a life which goes from one crisis to another - entering
a relationship based on stability, mutual respect and emotional
closeness feels alien and boring, hence one is drawn to more exciting,
unstable and ultimately destructive relationships.
Child abuse does not necessarily involve violence or sexual abuse
only, but several research papers have suggested that severe physical
and/or emotional neglect should be classified as abusive as overt
violence toward children, please bear this in mind while filling
in the following poll. Thank you for your input!
More articles and information to follow. Please check back regularly,
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for updates.
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Is
there a link between child abuse and DV? Take the Poll!