Abigail's Story
I am now almost 20 years old. I grew up in a faith based church.
I am a second generation Christian. I have a strong Christian family,
with loving parents, and a wonderful younger brother who I am very
close with. When I entered my public high school, I chased after
the Lord, wanting nothing but to live my life for him. Yet something
happened when I started dating Thomas.
He was two years older than me. He was also the son of my youth
leader. He grew up without a father in his life, and struggled a
lot with feelings of anger and abandonment. I knew all of these
things very well, but have always had such a mercy heart. To this
day, I do not know why I didn't listen to the wise counsel of my
family and friends. I think that I thought I could save him.
It was three months into the relationship that I knew deep down
in my heart that something was wrong. The emotional abuse is what
I saw originally. The way he could manipulate me was amazing. He
was a brilliant talker. He was my first boyfriend, so I seemed to
think that it was all normal.
After about three months, was when the verbal abuse began. By
this point, I was so brain washed that I thought I deserved what
I got. The more the lies were poured over me, the I more I believed
that it was true. All of the horrible names, all the horrible descriptions
of who I was. My character was smashed. I wasn't eating. I wasn't
seeing my family. I was so isolated. That fall I moved into my dorm
room at a lovely, private liberal arts college. I wouldn't listen
to anyone about how I needed to leave him. I was so convinced that
everything that was wrong with the relationship was my problem.
That as long as I tried a little harder, if I could fix all the
things that he said were wrong with me, that Thomas and I would
be fine.
Then the physical abuse started. The twisting of my wrist, the
smack across my face, the shove to the ground, the hand around my
neck. I was so weak. I weighed in at 90 lbs at this point. My fear,
my anxiety level was sky rocketing. I couldn't keep anything together.
I felt so small, so vulnerable.
Just a month after I moved into College, my parents withdrew me.
They had no idea how horrible it all was, but they knew something
was terribly wrong. It took two months after that for Thomas and
I to completely lose contact. I changed my phone number and talked
to the police. The longer I was away from him, the more I really
saw what had happened. And that is when all of the healing had to
start. I started seeing a counselor, and even at this point, almost
two years later, I see her about once a month. Jesus Christ brought
me through all of it a lot stronger. I was so angry for a while,
not understanding why God let it all happen to me. And I still don't
know. I know it was my own mistake to not listen to the wisdom of
my gut, and the wisdom of my leaders, to not have started that relationship
with him.
I do not know what Thomas is doing now. But I know that though
I will never be the same, I am stronger. I want to speak out against
abuse, to educate leaders in churches about the causes, the signs,
and how to prevent it from happening to youth, to adults, to ANYONE.
I want people to realize that it isn't RARE, that it isn't something
that only happens with the addicted, the poverty struck. That it
happens in churches. Just because someone may claim to love Jesus,
we are all fallen. Thomas was a Christian, but he was messed up
all the same. I am a Christian young woman, but the powers of an
abusive relationship are deep. They are intense, and they are terrifying.
Being an abused young woman is something that will be with you for
the rest of your life. It is baggage that I will take with me into
my marriage, and into my future relationships with any man. Yet
the Lord's love is massive, and his healing power is radical. He
has brought me so far. And it has been a very long road that has
been painful, yet all the same, it has been through.
For all the abused women reading this. Maybe you are currently
in an abusive relationship, maybe you are healing from one. Either
way, STAY AWAY from your abuser. I know that it's probably one of
the hardest thing you could do right now. They are intoxicating.
They are like quick sand. One toe dangled in there, one measly phone
conversation, and you are back to square one. CUT IT OFF. It's the
only way you can come out of that fog he has put in your brain.
And most of all, CRY OUT TO GOD. He and the other abused women of
the world are the only ones who will really understand.
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