Hannah's
Story
I was 13 years old and a bouncy happy teenage girl. I had lots
of friends and enjoyed school. I had never really had a boyfriend
and at the time never thought about it. That summer 2000 I met a
boy name Jim. We became friends and soon became boyfriend and girlfriend.
We never kissed but we would talk a lot and after a few months we
were still together. When I was 14 we kissed for the first time
and I became really attracted to him. He was a year older than me
and to me this made me look up to him.
When I became 15 this is when things became serious, I seemed to
spend more time with him and less time with my friends. Slowly he
began to tell me my friends were no good for me and that he loved
me all I needed was him. I always remember the first time he hit
me, it was at school at lunch I was sitting on the grass with some
friends talking and he got jealous he kicked me full force in the
back. As I was young I was only confused by what happened and I
quickly forgot about it and I never told my mum.
Months passed and I realized he was all I had. He had left school
now and as I had no friends this was uncomfortable for me in class.
Already I was feeling like an outcast. When I was able to leave
school I left as he had talked me into it he told me we could live
together but I could not stay at school I would need to work. This
was one big mistake as school was where I wanted to be. I left school
and got a job in a factory. This did nothing for my confidence I
felt worthless and as he worked with me I was never out of his sight.
He began getting jealous at work and telling me not to look at other
boys. I felt isolated and I couldn’t wear make up or have
my hair nice. Soon my blonde long hair was gone and it was all cut
off, I looked a mess but he always told me it was better. I soon
moved in with him and my mum was devastated she could not cope as
she knew things would get worse.
Eventually things did get worse I remember walking up the damp
and dirty stairway to the flat where we lived I was carrying shopping
and as I stepped in the door he kicked me from behind I fell to
the ground thinking 'what have I done now’. I got up and lifted
all the bags of shopping from the floor. He turned to me and said
' you fancy him don’t you!' I didn't have a clue what he was
talking about. He told me I was looking at a guy while we were shopping.
Just then he grabbed my jaw and then slapped me full force. I was
crying and very hurt I had never been hit before and I had never
been in a fight this was all new to me. Why was he so angry?
The torment got worse and worse. One time my mum walked in on it
and I remember her telling me to come home and I always protected
him and said no. Then at 16 I became pregnant and we were living
at his parent’s house. I knew I couldn’t keep it as
the child would not have a good life and I would not be able to
give it the loving safe home it would deserve. So without telling
my mother I decided to get an abortion. I was so scared and I wish
now I had told my mum so I would have her by my side. Instead I
had Jim and his mother there with me the whole time. It was a horrible
experience and I was very sick.
After I got home I was even more depressed. I didn’t know
what he was thinking about what I had done. He was quiet for weeks
and then he told me we had got a new flat and could move in next
week. I moved in with him and then all hell let loose. The abuse
became a lot worse and he broke me down piece by piece. The beatings
were regular and for any reason he could find. I had lost a lot
of weight and was now down to size six. I would flinch at his every
movement. When he would drink he would just hit me for the sake
of it. I dreaded when his friends came over as I knew when they
left I would get a beating for looking at them.
I remember one night when they all left I was in the living room.
I could hear him talking to himself then he locked the door and
came through. He began beating me on the floor with his big boots
on which he always wore. I remember praying to God to help me, to
save me from this pain. The worst of it was none of his family believed
what was happening. I even got beat up with his sister at a party
and everyone stood and watched I never dared to fight back or I
would be dead.
The final straw was when I had the worst night of my life. It was
27th June 2003 and we were celebrating the Gala Day. After we watched
the parade we came home. By this time Jim was very drunk. I was
too afraid to come home with him so I sat outside until he sobered
up a bit. An hour passed and he persuaded me to come in. As soon
as I did he locked the door and began to call me a 'stupid little
bitch'. I began crying. He dragged me through to the living room
and sat me down and he began to tell me how he hated me and wished
he could kill me. I was shaking uncontrollably - I knew it was going
to be bad. I sat still, and then out of nowhere a hand came over
and whacked me on the face. My nose burst open which made him more
angry because of the blood everywhere. He went to the kitchen and
returned with a large knife. My eyes widened and I ran towards the
window. I was screaming for help but no one heard me. He grabbed
my hair and told me to take off my jeans so I did. He then told
me to get upstairs. As I walked upstairs he had the knife at my
back. He pushed me into the room and I fell over. He sat on top
of me and began slapping me and laughing. When I tried to scream
he would cover my nose and mouth so I couldn’t breathe …
I though I was going to die. Then he put me on the bed and cut my
underwear off with the knife. He tried to rape me but it was not
working so he then forced me to give him oral sex. He pulled me
against the wall and was forcing himself into my mouth. The whole
time my head banged repeatedly against the wall and I felt myself
drift in and out of consciousness. After all that I went to the
bed again and he sat on top of me. He was pulling my breasts and
twisting them. I was trying not to scream. As he held the knife
above me he said 'are you ready to die coz you're gonna' and he
laughed. The thoughts going through my head were of my family and
his words were drifting into silence. I really thought this was
it. After hours of torture he finally went to sleep. I remember
sneaking into the bathroom and crying and crying.
The next day I knew I had to leave. I never told my mother what
happened and still to this day she doesn’t know the full story
as it would hurt her too much. So I did leave him and I was so glad
to be alive. I went to the lawyers and we got a restraining order
against him. I knew this would not be enough and I couldn’t
face going through court at that time - I was far too weak. So my
mum sold our lovely big house and we have now moved to a secret
location that even my father and friends don’t know.
I feel I have finally moved on and things are getting better but
I feel I am still a victim and justice has still not been done as
he lives in his home town and my life has been torn apart. I have
a new life now with my sister and mum and I am now 19 years old.
I thank God every day I'm alive and pray for Domestic Violence to
be known and heard in every home so the abusers can be seen for
what they really are.#
~ Hannah.
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