Freya's Story
I was 16 when I met my ex. The relationship started out great.
I was completely smitten with him and felt happy but it all went
so wrong. The first time he hit me was when I had got myself into
a bad situation were I found myself locked in a room in a strange
place with a guy I didn't know. The guy then messed with my head
for the full night - holding me down and moving him hands towards
certain places and so on ... but he eventually let me go. I then
ran straight to my ex who then dragged me into his room and "taught
me a lesson". This was the start and it just got worse from
then ...
It always started with the really nasty name calling and belittleling,
then the threatening and then the beating which could be choking,
punching, kicking and even head butting at times. Once he knocked
my head around from side to side so hard I thought I was going to
pass out, I felt dizzy and just for one moment I had no idea what
was happening. The favorite was punching my legs and arms around
the body out of sight, a couple of times he would hit my face and
I'd come up with stories to cover it up to friends and family. One
time I thought he was going to kill me and I took a panic attack.
Thankfully I haven't had another one since then. He did sort of
threaten to kill me on another occasion, he said "you're lucky
I don't have a knife or I would slit your throat". I should
have got out then but I didn't ... .
I would finish it with him every time and he would cry and apologize
and i would believe him. If I didn't give in he would take an over
dose or try and cut his wrists I spent many nights at A&E actually
worried about him! When I did make up with him he would make me
have sex to 'prove' I had forgave him, which was horrible, lying
underneath him my body still aching. I think it must have turned
him on the suffering he caused. The next day the loving period would
start again fooling me into believing that he was sorry and had
changed. This went on for about 2 years and when I finally got it
into my head he wasn't going to change, he had driven me apart from
my friends and family, I had no one apart from him. Even though
I hated him I stayed with him because I felt trapped. I couldn't
get out because he would try and kill himself or stalk me until
I gave in. I would cry myself to sleep every night lying next to
a man I hated but it was all my own fault.
I eventually broke free when I found out he had been sleeping with
my wee cousin. I was really close to her and it hurt a lot. By the
time I found out about it, it was already over but I still felt
it just as bad. I completely cut him off. I changed my phone number
and refused to speak to him. If I saw him I got away as soon as
I could and I was never alone. I would have nightmares that I got
back with him, when I woke up I would thank god it wasn't true.
That all happened nearly 3 years ago and I have found myself again
but it still haunts me. I forgave my cousin and we speak again,
not like we used to but I feel better for making peace with her.
I also have a new boyfriend. I've been with him for about a year
now and my relationship could not be better, he's a truly wonderful
person and he makes me happy - all my friends and family love him.
I love him! :) but I do still get flashbacks. Most days I'm fine
and don't really think of the past. Then something will bring back
a memory and it will just flow from there, I find myself breaking
down, I start shacking and can't concentrate, I cry then tell myself
to get a grip. Most days I'm fine, I can go months sometimes without
one of these little breakdowns. They are getting better and every
day I get stronger.
~ Freya.
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