The Dynamics of Abuse

Sometimes we think of abuse as being singular, ie only one form of abuse taking place in a relationship, eg 'he is sexually abusive', or 'she is emotionally abusive'. In reality abusers will often use several different types of abusive behaviour to control and manipulate their partner. Abuse is not a one-off incident, but a systematic method of maintaining power and control within a relationship.

The Wheel of Abuse helps us to understand just how central the issues of power and control are no matter what form the abuse takes, and can also help us realise different areas in which abuse occurs.

The Cycle of Abuse (below) explains what happens before, during and after an abusive episode in most cases.

The Cycle of Abuse

This information is provided courtesy of Kim Eyer of rhiannon3.org .

Most abusive relationships display a distinct pattern, known as the Cycle of Abuse or Violence. Abuse is rarely constant but alternates between: tension building, acting out, the honeymoon period and calm.

Not all relationships follow the same cycle, and individual experiences vary, some stages - especially the honeymoon or calm periods, may shorten or be left out completely, especially as the abuse intensifies over a period of time.

Each stage of the cycle can last from a few minutes to a number of months, but within an abusive relationship, the following stages can often be pin-pointed:

TENSION BUILDING -

• Tension starts and steadily builds

• Abuser starts to get angry

• Communication breaks down

• Victim feels the need to concede to the abuser

• Tension becomes too much

• Victim feels uneasy and a need to watch every move

INCIDENT or "Acting Out" phase

• Any type of abuse occurs

• Physical

• Sexual

• Emotional

• Or other abuses in the wheel above

HONEYMOON or Reconciliation phase

• Abuser apologizes for abuse, some beg forgiveness or show sorrows

• Abuser may promise it will never happen again

• Blames victim for provoking the abuse or denies abuse occurred

• Minimizing, denying or claiming the abuse wasn't as bad as victim claims

CALM before the tension starts again.

• Abuses slow or stop

• Abuser acts like the abuse never happened

• Promises made during honeymoon stage may be met

• Abuser may give gifts to victim

• Victim believes or wants to believe the abuse is over or the abuser will change

(Often the cycle of violence is portrayed as 3 steps: tension, acting out and honeymoon phases, where the Honeymoon and Calm phase are seen as one.)

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